


The Remedy for A Broken Heart

by J_EnotsoLovely



Series: The Remedy For A Broken Heart [6]
Category: One Piece
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, Confessions, Denial of Feelings, Feelings Realization, Heavy Angst, Idiots in Love, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Multiple Pov, No love Triange, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-17 11:21:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 25,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28848243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/J_EnotsoLovely/pseuds/J_EnotsoLovely
Summary: Sanji grinned, though he didn't respond.Zoro was okay with that.They'd get there one day, just a step at a time.or (Zoro and Sanji are both in love and neither know what to do abut that)
Relationships: Nico Robin/Roronoa Zoro, Roronoa Zoro/Vinsmoke Sanji
Series: The Remedy For A Broken Heart [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1840417
Comments: 11
Kudos: 56





	The Remedy for A Broken Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Was going back through A Pirates Nature, and kind of took the best parts for that fic. Being my first OP work, it has a lot of characterization issues. xfvhfkubfg  
> I plan on continuing it. But I want to see if this version makes the story flow better
> 
> Hope you enjoy!!

Usopp was nearing sleep when he heard the door to the barracks creep open. The scent of smoke filled the air and the curly haired sniper relaxed his tense body, realizing that it was only Sanji. The silence in the room grew deafening, stifling atmosphere growing to be too much and the tan teen shifted, uncomfortable in his small hammock. 

"The chef noticed. 

“Sorry did I wake you?” He asked, sounding uncharacteristically kind considering the fact that the other was of the male species. 

“Don’t worry about it. I was only dozing anyways.”

“Hm.”

The silence returned,

It was much worse.

“Do you mind lending me an ear?”

Usopp jumped, sweat that he hadn’t known was forming sliding down his face.

“A-am I to assume that in the event this conversation somehow spreads, I’ll have ended up at the bottom of the ocean?”

He could practically _FEEL_ the chef’s smile and sweatdropped, stuck somewhere between being proud at lightening the mood and cowering a bit in fear at the sadistic side of the blond.

“You would be absolutely correct _monsieur_. Other than the fact that I’d likely beat you beyond recognition first.” 

“Of course.” The sniper breathed, considerably paler than five minutes earlier. Yep, sadists. All of them.

“What’s your definition of success? What you want to accomplish is so vauge, how will you know when you’ve made it?”

Usopp thought about it for a moment, lips drawn in a thin line as he pondered. 

“I guess I’ll know I made it when I stop having to lie. When the wild stories I tell myself come true.”

“Sounds reasonable. But you’re on a ship with with Luffy remember? Never a dull moment. Safe to say you’ve reached Nirvana, no?”

“Nah, its not like that.” At the chef’s confused expression, he elaborated. “I just mean that sure, being on a ship with Luffy is amazing, if not life-threatening. He’s my captain, my nakama. But in the end, these’ll be HIS stories, his adventures. HIS journey to being the Pirate King. He’s strong, charismatic, and clearly going to be great. But me? I can hardly defend myself without pissing my pants first.” 

His voice dropped to a whisper, the bitter sensation of loathing beginning to well withing him. “There’s nothing I can do to protect you guys except lie and I’m not even good at that but if you ever tell anyone those words spoken I’ll deny it.” 

Sanji laughed. “Whatever you say, Captain Usopp, great commander of a thousand men.”

The darker teen nodded wisely, a smile gracing his lips as he puffed his chest. “Well spoken, my faithful subordinate.”

There was a calm silence, stretching out so long that Usopp thought the chef had fallen asleep until the blond spoke again, voice low.

"You shouldn't feel too bad. You're closer to your dream than you think. And if _you_ ever tell anyone I said that, I'll maim you." Sanji took a long drag from his cigarette, blowing smoke into the air and watching as it dissipated. Then continued. "Me? I don't trust the thoughts that come inside my head. They invade my mind like a plague. They're..they're just filled with _him."_ The taller shook his head slowly, venom lacing the words with a bit of regret.

_Ah._ Usopp thought finally understanding the subject of their conversation. _Zoro._ It was almost painful to watch the two dance around each other, choosing to avoid whatever feelings they might have, instead hashing it out through violence. It was sad, and the sniper wasn't a mind reader, but it seemed like the whole thing had been taking a slow toll on the swordsman. But now...maybe it was just that Sanji was better at hiding his suffering. 

With a heave, the 17 year old twisted to the side, managing an ungraceful roll off of his hammock and onto the floor before dusting off his pajamas and rising to stand next to chef. Already the blonde was talking again, have begun to pace around the room, clearly uneasy.

"I don't trust this _thing_ that beats inside my chest. See, I don't know why but who I am and who I want to be cannot connect."

"Well, who do you want to be?" Usopp asked lightly, keeping his attention focused on the wooden floor design. He knew he was about to cross a line, was close to delving beyond the mask Sanji consistently held up and couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong. That it wasn't _him_ the chef should be opening up to.

But it didn't matter anyways since his question had been ignored, left unanswered in favor of a vague statement.

"I- I push away the people that I love the most."

"What, you don't love me?" At the silence, Usopp raised a brow, a bit hurt but knowing it wasn't an intentional insult. "I'm starting to think the only reason you came to me was because I'm the easiest to threaten."

This time, Sanji let out a huff of amusement. "I suppose there's some truth in that. But that's not the only reason." At the sniper's noise of question, he elaborated. "I just figured that you might know about these feelings I have. Considering you and the lady friend Luffy once told me about."

"Ah, Kaya. Yeah, I love her. She doesn't feel the same way sadly. At least, I don't _think_ she does anyways."

"EH??? And you never asked? Confessed? That's beyond stupid, the least you could do was _try."_

Usopp smiled, knowing that was probably about to die, but couldn't help feeling satisfaction regardless. "I could tell you the same thing. But this isn't about me, its you. You're right, normally people want to share love, so why are you pushing him away?"

"I don't want him to know I'm vulnerable."

"Why?"

"It makes me feel weak and so uncomfortable."

The sharpshooter watched as his nakama bent down. burying his hands in his hair. Usopp knew he was pushing the other to the brink with just the pure, yet exceedingly complex simplicity of his questioning and that eventually he'd make the chef snap. But he also knew that his dear friend was in pain, the kind of pain that came from love you thought you could never have. It was a pain that Usopp knew only too well. It was a feeling he'd never wish on anyone, let alone the people he care for. 

And holy fucking _hell,_ if he was going to die, might as well go out with a bang, enlightening his crewmates the way a captain should. He thought it was pretty brave, considering who he was talking to.

"You should talk to him. Tell him Sanji, because if you don't, it'll fester and eventually hurt this crew."

"But it's _sick._ It's _wrong. Can't you see that?"_ The chef's voice was wrought with misery, words falling out robotic as though the blonde had been saying them all his life. The tan teen watched with a mix of frustration and fear as his friend frantically reached for another cigarette, eyes brimming with too many emotions to name.

"It's certainly unorthodox, sure, but--"

"BUT WHAT??? As long at its _LOVE?_ Is that what you were going to say? How awfully romantic you, and completely ignoring the fact that love between men shouldn't even _exist_ in the first place." The coook was standing now, pacing the room furiously and Usopp sent a quick glance to the door, hoping that no one was nearby.

"Its not wrong though. Its perfectly normal. People are different and there's nothing wrong with liking both women and mhpgpgp--"

In a flash, the world turned upside down. The sniper felt his body hit the wooden floor, echoing in the barracks and once again prayed that no one was around. His back screamed in pain and he sucked in a breath, dazed but just managing to realize what had happened.

"Why--"

"Don't." That was the blonde, words seethed in a harsh whisper. "Don't you _dare_ finish that last sentence."

_I'm not ready to admit it._ Usopp felt like he could hear the words unspoken and gazed up at Sanji, unable to move because the chef's foot was poised at his throat, both a threat and a promise.

The darker teen sighed, a wave of sadness overwhelming him. He pushed away the taller's foot. "What did they do to you?"

"Eh? The hell are you on abo--?"

"They. Them. Whoever it was that made you like this." Usopp gestured vaguely at the blonde, hands shaking as he underwent the full force of that icy blue glare. "Whoever it was that made you so afraid. So disgusted with yourself. What did they do?"

There was silence. The younger didn't think he'd get an answer. But then Sanji spoke, so quietly that he almost missed it.

"They tortured me. They said I was a failure. Beat me until I was unrecognizable. They said women were only to be used as birthing machines or for pleasure purposes and because I was so weak I deserved to be treated like a woman. To be raped, used and cast aside, hidden from the public eye."

Sanji shuddered, arms clutching his sides as though for purchase. "Then I met old man Zeff and he was good to me. Real good. He believed in his own sense of chivalry and I was quick to uptake his ways. I did what I could to grow strong. Women were weak, and with men like..like _them,_ they needed to be protected. Because they were weak. It was a lesson _that_ man taught me. And I hate it. I hate it because that was the lesson that _stuck._ The ideology that I couldn't get rid of. And being with the old geezer made it both better and worse. When I noticed my...my attraction to men, I was horrified. Because I associated it with being a woman. And being a woman was the same as being weak. Even after I've been proven wrong thousands of times by Nami-swan and Robin-chwan, I can't help it."

Usopp could scarcely believe what he was hearing and felt an rare surge of protectiveness for his friend. He wanted to march to Luffy and set course towards the asshole who traumatized his nakama and _destroy_ them. Gently, he placed a hand on the blond's shoulder.

"Listen," The curly head started softly. "I'm going to seem like a dick for asking you this but...do you love him? Zoro?"

"Yes." The word was grit out, soft and filled with warmth, yet tinged in resentment.

The sniper smiled, a small one without a trace of trickery.

"Good. It'll all work out in the end then. And that's the Great Captain Usopp's 1000% guarantee!!!"

Sanji let out a small laugh, head tossed back and cheeks wet from where the tears had been falling.

Usopp saw, but kept quiet. The chef had let out enough secrets tonight, and was honest almost to a fault. He'd earned the right to cry.

And besides...Usopp had nothing else to say.

The blond didn't need to know that both the sniper and the village girl Kaya had already been together for 2 years. Long before Luffy, Zoro, and Nami came long, wreaking havoc and offering the teen a life on the seas.

Sanji didn't need to know at all.

Since it was only a white lie.

Sanji was starting to think that he was a masochist.

_"Hey.....shitty cook."_ Rang a voice in his head, low, husky with desire, and the teen screwed his eyes shut, letting out a frustrated growl. _"I think I--"_

Love you. I think I love you.

That's what _he_ was going to say, sentence never being completed because the blonde consistently woke up before the words could be uttered. Before his heart thought it was real Before it would try to shout, "I love you!" back. He felt the familiar sensation of revulsion creep down his spine and tried to shake it off, remembering what Usopp told him the night before.

_"Good. It'll all work out in the end then. And that's the Great Captain Usopp's 1000% guarantee!!!"_

The words brought him comfort, ironic seeing as it came from the Straw Hat's infamous liar. A big mouth in the worst of ways, boasting flippantly anytime the chance arose. It was with that thought, that the chef realized how quiet it was. 

Too quiet.

He sat up, having on fallen asleep on the floor last night and looked around, confused when he didn't spot anyone in the room, bright sun rays filtered through the windows and light chasing away even the shadows tucked within crevices. There was a rare feeling of peace, and an odd sensation of loneliness before Sanji's sleep and marimo muddled brain realized that it was much too luminescent for early morning. And that the chef typically arose before the sun even dared to peek above the horizon, having already begun breakfast preparations and lunch pre-planning.

_Breakfast._

Sanji sprung to his feet and dashed out of the barracks, eyes wide and hardly aware of his less than pleasurable appearance. He was a terrible excuse for a chef, and had left his crew to fend for themselves. The others, would likely be okay but Luffy was probably suffering and the blond could hardly stop the feeling of guilt from swelling. He sprinted down the halls, sending a quick prayer of thanks to whatever gods may be up there that his sense of direction wasn't as shitty as the swordsman's, then cursed himself for even thinking about the green headed muscle bound idiot. 

" _SANJI! YOU'RE FINALLY AWAKE! MESHI SANJI MESHI!"_

The blond glanced up, not bothering to slow down and made eye contact with Luffy, who was perched atop of the galley, crouched as though he were a bird. A wide smile split the ravenette's face as he jumped up and down and Sanji couldn't help but replicate the expression, enthusiasm dangerously contagious.

"Get down if you're going to do that Luffy-san, if you keep jumping like that, Usopp will be stuck trying to fix it. What if he breaks his neck and dies?" Two arms appeared and gripped the rubberman by the waist, ignoring the teens loud whines of protest-- as well as Usopp's indignant, "CAN YOU A STOP SAYING THINGS LIKE THAT ROBIN!"-- and flung the captain off, directly in the path of the chef.

Without thinking, Sanji stopped in his tracks, throwing out a leg and trusting the ravenette to understand his implications. The giddy laugh of "Shihihihihihi" was proof enough as the younger stretched out his arms, hooking it around the blond's calf and using it as a stabilizing force to pull himself towards, slowing the fall and landing lightly on the chef's leg before jumping off. 

"Ahhhhh that was fun!" 

"Of course _you'd_ think getting thrown off of a mini building during midday was fun." He replied, ruffling his captain's raven locks, before processing that the 17 year old's hat was nowhere in sight. He opened his mouth to ask-- knowing how defensive his captain was about the accessory-- but stopped when he noticed that Luffy was staring at him with intense concentration. The teen's eyes were narrowed and head tilted as he glared excruciatingly at the blond, a frown set in his mouth and hand placed on his chin.

After a few moments that felt like an eternity, Luffy perked, lifting a finger and point it at Sanji. "That's what was wrong!" His captain exclaimed, sounding satisfied at having found the supposed source of the problem. "Your clothes! I don't think I've ever seen you wear anything but suits before!"

Sanji looked down at the loose pants he had on, faded and almost falling apart at the seams, coupled with a baggy white shirt, one that Zeff lent to him a long time ago. He looked around to see everyone staring at him with variations of amusement and shock, particularly from the ladies and felt his face heat up tremendously, before recovering and responding smoothly. "Yeah, they're my sleep ware, not the prettiest, but they get the job done. That being said, its not like they're magical so can someone tell me why after I overslept, no one came to get me-- specifically one of our lovely princesses? GOOD MORNING MY BEAUTIFUL NAMI-SWAN AND THE MESMERIZING ROBIN-CHWAN! The two of you look absolutely ravishing today. I am ashamed to have left you within the company of these heathens for so long. Please loves, I beg that you bear with me, and lunch will be out shortly."

"Take your time Cook-san, don't rush on our account. I'm sure we've all weathered much worse before than just a skipped breakfast." Robin smiled softly, glancing up from whatever novel she was reading under the shade, rich blue eyes flashing mischievously and Sanji felt his heart skip a beat, distantly thinking that _this_ was what he lived for. Pleasing _women._ Not the stupid, _stupid_ Marimo that he most definitely did _not_ notice wasn't anywhere in sight. And it certainly was _not_ a feeling of worry that invaded the chef's chest, eradicating any sense of euphoria from a few seconds before.

"Usopp told us not to wake you!!" Luffy pouted, referring to the blond's earlier question. "He wouldn't tell us why. Saying something about you needing the rest even though you were one of the first ones to go to sleep! I'm hungry now Sanji! MESHI!"

"Yeah, I thought that was rather strange." Nami spoke, looking up from the map she was drawing to fix the 19 year old with a concerned chocolate gaze. "You feeling alright Sanji? Will we need to make a detour for medical supplies? It'll cost you though if we do. Speaking of which, I don't see Chopper around, I wonder if he's in his office."

Sanji glared at the curly headed teen, hoping that his visible eye clearly conveyed the promise from the night before.

_“A-am I to assume that in the event this conversation somehow spreads, I’ll have ended up at the bottom of the ocean?”_

_"You would be absolutely correct monsieur. Other than the fact that I’d likely beat you beyond recognition first.”_

It was evident the sniper remembered with crystal clarity when he hid behind a barrel, muttering something about how he thought the blond would appreciate the gesture, which Sanji _did_ but it was still too random and out of the blue for his crew to not find it bizarre. 

Knowing it was with good intentions, Sanji shoved down his misgivings and gave a tight nod, before looking back at the red headed beauty and showing her his most charming smile-- which would surely distract from his less than presentable attire. "How kind, oh how benevolent of you dear Nami-swan my sweet. I _was_ feeling a bit under the weather but after basking under your radiance I am a thousand times cured! However, I am a bit of a mess right now." He directed this last bit to everyone on deck, feeling bad for he was about to ask but still figuring he could chance it. "Do you think you all can handle 30 more minutes or so without anything? I'd like to take a shower but if you feel you're absolutely starving I don't mind staying to fix a snack."

_"YES_ STAY! SANJI! I WANT FOO--GMHFDCDB _."_ A hand appeared over Luffy's mouth and Robin spoke, a fleeting grin crossing her features though infinite amusement shone within her blur iris'. "Please go on cook-san. Take as much time as you need. I'm sure you'll give us a magnificent meal upon your return."

"Of course my darling, it will be the most delectable thing that your taste buds could even imagine! I'll be sure to imbued it with only the finest of ingredients for both you and Nami-swan!"

At her nod, he turned and made his way back to the barracks, letting his worry for Zoro finally take precedence in his mind. It wasn't odd not to see the moss-head, but Chopper hadn't been there either, the normally chipper and cute reindeer usually hanging off of Usopp's shoulder or joining in whatever shenanigans his captain decided to create. It was said that idiots didn't get sick, but still, could the Marimo have fallen ill?

_"It's_ _sick. It's wrong. Can't you see that?"_

His own words from the night before came back to him and the blond grimaced, the irony not lost on his mind. He'd admitted to himself for the first--and only time that he was in love with the swordsman. That was in love-- _hopelessly--_ in love with Roronoa Zoro. 

He felt the bitter taste of bile rise in his throat, the sinking feeling of dread in his stomach and shook his head to rid himself of the thought. Even if he was able to set aside his personal problems and confess to the other, try to work things out on equal footing, there was no doubt in his mind that all that would face him was rejection. No matter how Sanji looked at it, things were bound to go wrong. His safest bet was to let the feelings blow over, and focus only on women. On protecting them, but understanding that they weren't incapable of caring for themselves.

He reached the barracks and walked inside, stripping slowly. The water generator had already been used recently so there still a fair amount of hot water left and the chef rejoiced silently. 

Stepping into the tub, he gripped faucet handle, turning it to the side and watching with grateful eyes as chug after chug of warm, cascading liquid gushed out. He sank down, blowing out a contented sigh and let his mind wander. Automatically-- though really Sanji should've expected it- his thoughts turned to Zoro, and the familiar question that he asked himself rang through head.

_"Why do I love you?"_

Disgust thrashed within him, a poisonous snake warning him not to go down such a dangerous path lest he be bitten, but maybe it was the steam addling his sense of reason that made the chef ignore the caution.

-+-

_His favorite color was blue, though anyone who had known him for a significant amount of time would be hard pressed to object and say that it was actually green. His heart and soul belonged to the sea-- rightfully so because the sea had been his savior. Brilliant colors lighting up his bleak life and giving it a meaning he was raised to believe he didn't deserve. However, Sanji would be lying if he said his mind wasn't fascinated by land. Trees, plants, and herbs, water, fish, and home; the ocean and forests both painted him with a warm sensation of comfort. The sense of being so wholly unimportant, waters exceedingly vast and hiding him from the clutching palms of **those people.** The sea was his shelter. The forest was a reminder that there was still someplace else to go, if pirating ever grew to be distasteful, a rather funny oxymoron considering that land and trees cannot drift, are to be locked forever in the same spot and yet signify a bigger world. That there is always more beyond what the eye could see. Gol D. Roger was a fantastic pirate, a warrior on the ocean, but his call to the people happened on land._

_Zoro had taken Sanji's heart captive on the sea. When the swordsman raised his katana in the air and declared Luffy as King of the Pirates. When he shed salty tears, a similar blue as to the water around them and upon the sight Sanji had an epiphany. A simple understanding that if land and ocean had discovered a way to merge, to personify, it's accumulation would be this: The Swordsman Roronoa Zoro._

_His favorite color was blue, for the sky and sea reminded him of lovely women, calm one moment and wickedly violent the next. They were forces to be reckoned with, for women carried within them the will of Mother Nature herself, blessed with tranquility and gifted with assets, necessary for survival. Women were a harbinger of life and more dangerous than death, much like the water surrounding him. Sanji's favorite color was blue, beautiful, cerulean blue, though in some part deep inside, his mind locked away the truth that green had taken precedence in his heart. It started with taunts, brazen jibes to each other's appearance. Insulting one another's skill, knowing that it was lies. There was a a sickening satisfaction he felt when Zoro's blatant, unfriendly scowl often disappeared into a rough smirk whenever the chef came around. It was followed by another exchanging of words and an inevitable fight where Sanji had been loathe to admit that the green head was quite possibly his equal._

_Marimo._

_It was a moss ball that the chef once_ _owned at the Baratie, too lazy to give it a true name. It was fuzzy and soft and cute and Sanji had hated it because although the plant was edible, he couldn't bring himself to do away with it. He'd grown fond of the stupid thing, disgustingly fond and he hated Marimo for that, often raising a knife high in the air with intents to split the damn thing in half, only to stop and sigh, rubbing the silky hairs along his cheek._

_Sanji had given Zoro the name Marimo, in honor of his old plant friend-- which Zeff soon threw in the ocean once he understood the blonde would not eat it-- and contrary to whatever bullshit the tan teen had spewed afterwards, the chef thought that Zoro quite liked the nickname._

_He felt his ears burn as he came to the realization that the knowledge made him stupidly happy._

_He didn't bother to wipe the silly grin off of his face._

_-_

_It was during their time at Arlong Park that Sanji realized he hated women._

_Not truly._

_He could never bring himself to despise the magnificent creatures who were benevolent enough to give birth to life itself. But while watching Nami break down, bleeding her heart out, and pleading for help, he came to the conclusion that he hated women's fragility. That he never wanted to be saddled with the insurmountable burdens that women faced._

_That he didn't want to be weak._

_And the moment the thought had crossed his mind, Sanji had hated himself more than ever before. Because it was proof, undeniable proof that he let **those people** taint him. That at some point, he began to believe **their** words, began to agree with **their** ideology: that women were useless in the real world and better suited to home life. But he didn't agree that they were toys meant to sate the male hormonal whims. _

_He didn't see women as lesser, if anything, they were Goddesses, destined to be forever worshiped. Sanji wanted to protect them._

_But he feared being seen as feminine, because even though he didn't agree with **them** , there was no telling who else thought that weakness equaled femininity. And as **they** beat him, as **they** tortured him, **they** told his 10 year old self that he was no better than a woman, and to be a woman was to subjugate yourself to a man, to allow oneself to be raped. To be used._

_Sanji hated that, that was the one lesson he couldn't_ shake. _He was trapped within an odd limbo, set in a mentality that wasn't even his._

_And when his feelings for Zoro blossomed, it was terrifying, because Zoro was strong. And Sanji knew, he just **knew** that the moment he allowed his guard to drop, the swordsman would rip into him viciously, would see the cook as nothing but a mere woman. No longer someone worthy of being on equal footing. Without knowing how he knew, Sanji knew that Zoro wasn't the kind of man to protect women. _

_Then the chef heard about a certain Marimo who made a promise to a certain girl. A girl who was not the subject of love, and not a promise to come back alive. It wasn't romantic in the slightest._

_It was a promise between rivals._

_It was the moment Sanji realized that women could fend for themselves. That his chivalry was-- in hindsight-- remarkably condescending. But he couldn't stop._

_Somewhere deep inside, buried withing the depths of his insecurities, Sanji felt a hot scorching sensation of guilt._

_Because **they** had beat the ideals into him. **They** planted the seed in his mind and watched gleefully as it grew, amplified by the death of his mother. **They** rejoiced, because there was a part of him that **they** had full control over._

_And Sanji didn't think that **they** would let go any time soon._

_-_

_Sanji loved Zoro._

_He knew it, he knew he couldn't lie to himself anymore. Not when the idiot thought cutting off legs was a good idea._

_Later when the situation had been resolved, and the Strawhats gained some much needed rest time, the chef found a secluded part of the ship and threw up until he dry heaved._

_He loved Zoro._

_And he hated it. It was wrong. He was a lady's man. He put on the planet to chase after beautiful, demure women. To pamper them senseless. So he hated that it Zoro who stole his heart._

_Though mainly because he knew the swordsman would never love him back._

-+-

"Oi! Sanji!" Usopp yelled from the other side of the door, sounding both annoyed and concerned. "You still alive in there?? It's been more than 30 minutes and Robin has stopped Luffy from breaking into the kitchen at least three times by now." A loud thud sounded, punctuating the statement and the chef could almost feel the sniper's grimace. "Make that four times."

" _Damn."_ Sanji cursed, pissed that his mind betrayed him, sending him down into a spiral of dark thoughts. "I'll be up soon! Thanks for the warning. Tell Luffy I'll cook him a platter of vegetables if he doesn't fucking _behave."_ He added, hissing the last words as he stepped out the tub, wrapping a towel around his waist and stumbling to the sink to brush his teeth, already wishing for a cigarette--which was long overdo.

"W-wharever you say!" Usopp replied, the younger seemingly having picked up on the murderous intent. There was a pause then, "You sure that you're alright? I don't want to pry, but you _are_ my nakama."

The blonde sighed, flattered truly, but not even remotely in the mood. "I'm alright." He mumbled around a mouth of toothpaste foam. "Go on up and try to keep our captain at bay for me."

"Alright then. Just--have faith okay?" And the the sniper was gone, the pattering of his feet traveling away, until it faded under the sound of running water.

_Faith?_ The blond thought, turning the word over in his mind. _I'm not so sure such a thing exists anymore._

"Say....say that again."

Zoro could sense, more than feel the stupid face that he was making and struggled to close his mouth, sure that confusion was etched in his expression. Luffy sat on the self-proclaimed seat, an odd throne of sorts, the lamb head staring stoically out at the vast sea, taking in the deepening blue. It was almost a childish vision, the image of his captain seated with legs crossed as he looked down at the green head with a near invisible pout and completely at odds with the somber atmosphere. It was rare, exceedingly so, for the 17 year old to summon any one of his crewmates, subsequently commanding the others to stay away. Zoro'd been stumped as to what the ravenette would want with _him_ of all people, but Luffy had that look. 

The dangerous one that was instantly intimidating to any man who was lesser in spirit. The one and only sign of the beast lurking within his captain. The simple reason as to why Zoro chose to follow Luffy in the first place, to bow and make the younger teen his leader. 

And here his captain was, after molding such a serious air, saying stupid shit like the typical idiot he was.

"His meat." The rubberman started again, letting the two words out in a slow drawl, as if the swordsman was the dumb one. "Sanji's meat has been tasting weird lately. Its starting to mess with my stomach a bit, but I'm not sure why. I just know I don't like it."

_Food._

Of _course_ this dumbass meant food. What the hell else? Ignoring the sensation of relief pooling into his stomach, the 19 year old let loose a small smirk. As if _Luffy_ would bother with something as troublesome as romance, let alone sex.

_And troublesome it is._ He shook off the thought, shrugging away the feeling of apprehension and raised an eyebrow, understanding the conversation, but not knowing where it was heading.

"I could care less about the shit cook's new techniques. Why should it matter?" 

Already the other was shaking his head, brim of the notorious straw hat flopping along with the motion. "You don't get it, do you Zoro? I think its _your_ fault that the meat is tasting so weird."

_"HAH??!"_ The swordsman exclaimed, bristling at the apparent accusation. "I haven't done a damn thing to curly brow. Hardly even seen the stupid ero-cook lately." He finished adamantly, tactfully leaving out the fact that he'd been avoiding the blonde for reasons he didn't want to look to deep into, as well as the torrent of emotions the chef caused to well within him.

Luffy's gaze bored into his own, charcoal glare eerily perceptive and without realizing it, Zoro fell silent, waiting to see what would happen next.

"No." Came his captain's voice, calm, assured, and all-empowering. It shut down even the smallest chance for argument and knowing it was pointless the green head grunted, leaning against the railing to gaze out at the water. 

After a moment the tan teen sighed, clutching his swords. "Spill it Luffy. What're you on about?"

"Something's bothering Sanji. Messing with him, kinda like how his food has been messing with me." The 17 year old glanced down as his abdomen with a curious gaze, as if the rumblings of his stomach would reveal some magical answer. No such luck. "He smiles all the time, but seems sad. And its like he's using the food as mirror or something. Its weird."

Zoro grit his teeth, frustrations growing, at odds with his increasing concern. If the cook was distressed enough that Luffy could describe it with a fair amount of ease then something had to be seriously wrong. But then, the rubberman was always scarily intuitive when it came to nakamaship.

_And the shit cook's shitty mood has something to do with me?_ He growled lowly, lips parting in a scowl. "What does that even mean? And the hell do you want _me_ to do about it?"

Luffy was stupid not naive. Which was exactly why Zoro was worried.

Instead of answering, the ravenette looked back out at the sea, black eyes bright, the silence only growing to uncomfortable proportions before a wide child-like grin split his features.

And then Monkey D. Luffy looked right at the 19 year old, mischievousness written all over, and tilted to the side, falling directly in the ocean below. 

" _DAMN IT LUFFY!"_ Zoro yelled, his body already in motion long before the thought even crossed his mind to jump in after his captain. They'd been lucky on weather the past few days, enjoying the calm waters and today was no different. In a flash he was in the water, cool liquid pleasant against his skin as he propelled himself deeper into the ocean. It never failed to be a disturbing sight to see someone of such awesome strength be reduced to weakness so easily. The smaller male was already a good distance below the water when Zoro finally caught up, amazed at just how fast devil users sank. He wrapped his arms around the ravenette and began the ascent upwards, lungs just starting to burn. Looking over to make sure his captain was still alive, if not conscious, the swordsman almost dropped the body.

On Luffy's face was a small, satisfied smile. One of happiness, and _not_ the expression someone who can't swim should make while drowning. 

As the neared the surface, Zoro braced his arm, preparing to throw the unconscious male on deck. _Payback for all the times you tossed me around like a rag doll. I only wish you were awake. Damn idiot, you'd probably find the whole thing fun anyways._

With a great heave, the swordsman flung his arm forward, grinning viciously as he head the telltale slap of a body against the wooden floor, followed by a long drawn out, "OW!"

Using his right hand, he reached to his side, grabbing hold of Wado Ichimonji and swingin in a wide arc, slicing the water and hooking her in between the railings. Using the curve of the sheath he lifted himself up, feet pushing off the hull of the Going Merry. Flipping himself over the side, the older teen let loose a low grunt of disapproval. He hadn't meant to take his katanas with him into the water, but saving Luffy had been priority and he'd acted without thinking.

Laying Wado gently on the ground, he bowed down in front of her, muttering, "Domou Arigatou Kuina. I promise to give her a good cleaning tonight" before looking around for his captain.

Luffy was back on the lamb's head, staring down at him curiously and laughed when Zoro met his gaze. "Shiihihihihihi Thanks! Looks like I almost died."

He felt his eye twitch. "What the _hell_?! Come down here and I'll kill you for real!"

"Sorry! I got distracted." The ravenette stated, ignoring the threat, not looking the least apologetic and wrung out his hat before staring down at it with a fond grin, different from any that Zoro had seen him give. "But hey, its okay! It doesn't matter at all, since you were here!"

Without another word Luffy slapped the hat on the swordsman's head and let it nestle there, silently staring.

""All of us...we're more than friends...we're Nakama. We'll always be there for each other, the way you were here for me. But you and Sanji," Luffy looked at Zoro, his gaze dark and serious. "You two are different, I can tell. I don't wanna know why, I don't care. Just work it out, that's an order."

He jumped off the headboard, running towards the kitchen and leaving Zoro in his wake, staring after his captain with utter confusion and the sensation of deja vu. The ravenette was still soaked, dripping all over the wood and distantly, the green head wondered who'd be the first to fall on their ass. It was a moment before he noticed that Luffy had stopped and was once again looking at him, expression unreadable.

"You like him right? Sanji? I don't know what it feels like, liking someone in that kind of way, but I gotta say..." The younger trailed off, face pondering. "it seems like its hurting you. And not just you. I want to help, but it doesn't seem like there's much I can do." 

"Lu--"

"You know Zoro...we _are_ pirates. If you want something, you just need to take it. But if you force my cook into doing something he doesn't want I'll beat you up."

And with that the boy disappeared, nothing but the large puddle of water to show he'd ever been there. That and his joyful yelling. "SANJI! MESHI!" 

Zoro laughed, voice hollow. Of course his captain knew. And ordered him to do the one thing he'd been trying to avoid.

Confess.

It was later that night when Zoro came to the conclusion of _fuck it_ and decided to just spill his guts to the cook, face rejection, and then train the disappointment away. In the end, them being Nakama was of most importance and was something that couldn't be jeopardized for any reason. 

He touched Wado briefly, centering himself. There was no God, but he believed that his adoptive sister's spirit remained with him. The nagging woman would never let him become the strongest swordsman without her around.

"No point in dragging this out any longer. I'm already sick of Luffy's pointed looks." The teen mumbled and reached for the doorknob to the men's barracks, before freezing, body tensing without his permission. He could hear the cook's voice rise through the barrier, strained and high-strung.

"It's _sick. It's wrong. Can't you see that?"_

"Its unorthodox sure but---" That was Usopp's voice, the sharp shooter sounding equally terrified and stern.

"BUT WHAT??? As long at its _LOVE?_ Is that what you were going to say? How awfully romantic you, and completely ignoring the fact that love between men shouldn't even _exist_ in the first place."

"Its not wrong though. Its perfectly normal. People are different and there's nothing wrong with liking both women and mhpgpgp--"

"Don't." That was the blonde, words seethed in a harsh whisper. "Don't you dare finish that last sentence."

A loud thud could be heard, the floors vibrating from the sheer force of whatever collision happened, but Zoro was too far gone, letting the shit cook's words flow over him. 

_Sick huh?_

He knew the other would reject him, but not with so much venom and hatred. And Zoro hadn't even needed to confess.

Wordlessly, the teen turned, stumbling for the first time in a long time and felt disgustingly out of tune with his body.

_Sick._

He was sick.

Numbly, Zoro made his way to the doctor's office.

Chopper was going to become a great doctor.

He was going to be the best there ever was and cure every disease in existence. There was no sickness that he wouldn't be able to heal. No person that he wouldn't be able to save. No illness he wouldn't be able to conquer with hard work and perseverance. He was going to be the greatest and let nothing stand in his way. There was no obstacle that he wouldn't be able to overcome. But this...

This wound was much different than anything else that Chopper had ever seen before.

The swordsman sat rigidly on makeshift cot, arms locked and tan palms gripping his knees, strong fingers kneading into the dark green fabric until his knuckles faded to a ghastly white. Luffy's hat was perched on top of green hair, brim droopy as though it had gotten wet earlier and the boy wasn't sure what to make of the sight.

"Hey.." The reindeer started softly, not wanting to agitate the man further. "Calm down. I can't treat you while you're so tense." _Not that you need it._

The teen had stumbled into the medic's office, eyes blank and disturbingly unsteady. Worried, Chopper had rushed over, having just awoken from a deep sleep, hurriedly tugging the green head onto the sickbed and did a quick once over, searching for injuries. There were none. At least, not any that he could see.

"Relax for me please." Chopper repeated, hoping that his voice didn't waver and that he didn't sound as concerned as he was.

The teen's gray eyes-- normally dark and brimming with determination of every kind-- were glazed, vacant and devoid of their usual fervor. With clear struggle, the swordsman unhinged each finger from their position, freeing his knees from the bone crushing hold.

Chopper stared, unnerved by the eerie display before taking a deep breath, willing his rising fur to lie flat. He'd never seen him like this. _Him._ Zoro. The man who'd one day be The Greatest Swordsman in the entire world. Who showed the medic that teamwork could manifest in different ways. Who never hesitated to trust in his abilities to heal. Zoro. His nakama. The older brother he never had but always wanted. Who was stoic, calm, and collected. Who never let anything phase him.

The boy turned away, gliding around the room to grab the necessary medical supplies that he'd need to fix up the non-existent wounds that his friend had. 

"Doc," Zoro started, voice deceptively cool, using the abbreviated title for Chopper whenever he was being treated. "Do you think I'm sick? I never bothered to give it much thought before but," The teen shrugged, expression morphing into one of pure helplessness and instantly the boy wanted to erase the image from his mind. The green head continued, reproach and self-loathing entering his tone. "I always thought whoever I cared for in that manner-- if I ever even decided to give in to that kind of hassle-- would just be the person I gave my heart to and nothing more. I never considered that it could be.... _wrong."_

Chopper didn't respond and instead listened quietly, knowing that his patient only wanted a blank canvas on which to paint their frustrations. A dark chuckle caught the reindeer of guard and he glanced over his shoulder to see the teen grinning darkly. 

"I was reminded earlier that we _are_ pirates." The green head mused aloud, with a vicious smile that came no where near his eyes. "I guess I could just steal him away and take whatever I want."

"Zoro!" The medic interjected sharply, not at all liking the ominous shift. He was rewarded with a rueful smile.

"Relax, it was only a thought. And besides, the Captain threatened me with a beat-down if I did something the shitty cook didn't like." 

That gave the boy pause. He knew how the Zoro felt for the ship's chef. He had for a while now, but never would've expected the swordsman to openly admit it.

"I know you know." Zoro said, answering the unspoken thought and sounding amused. "You can smell it can't you? Sorry about that."

"Don't be."

Silence filled the small infirmary, bordering on a sensation of suffocating but Chopper did nothing to change that, instead continuing to rummage through his first aid kit. He knew enough to realize that Zoro was a long way from being done talking, even if the idiot didn't realize it himself yet. As if on cue, the teens voice sounded again, nearly all the words rushed, tumbling in a messy stream.

"When I was a kid, I got my ass beat constantly. Day in and day out, I trained. I worked, and then worked some more. Then I worked even harder and then I got my ass handed to me. Everyday without fail. Y'see, there was someone I could never surpass. A girl." 

Chopper watched as the green head flopped back on the cot, hat falling and arms spread unceremoniously to the sides, a wistful lilt in his voice as he spoke. "Her and I, we made a promise. But then she died, by falling down a flight of damn stairs. And I listened. I _heard_ as they all scorned her. Disregarding her skill with a sword, or turning it into some perverted joke. Never before have I ever wanted so bad to cut someone in half."

Zoro clenched the bed-sheets, fingernails beginning to rip the thread. "She wasn't delicate. Far from it. But still, she broke. When I met the shit cook I hated the way he treated Nami, as if she was some damsel in distress and not a badass who could take complete care of herself. And then I couldn't help but wonder,even if it was only for a moment, if _she_ would've survived longer had she abandoned our dream. If I was wrong to believe in her strength. I wondered and as I watched him, I grew to admire the way he treated women. There's nothing--at least nothing purposefully-- condescending about it. He's an idiot, sure."

At this, a real smile found its way to the swordsman's lips. Small but genuine, and tinged with bitterness. "He's a stupid ero-cook, but anyone with or without eyes can see his heart's i the right place."

Chopper laughed, grabbing the last thing he needed out of the chest-- a role of bandages-- then went to close the wooden box before spotting an iron key resting at the bottom.

He eyed it for a moment, then slowly slid the object under his hat.

The boy looked at his medical supplies, making sure that everything was in place. It was only a matter of time.

Before his patient acknowledged the truth and Chopper would be forced to respond. 

"Hey Doc?" 

His ear twitched, cautiously waiting for the rest. 

"I think, I'm in pain. The sensation is odd, but I'm sure that's what it is. But you knew that already, didn't you? I'm injured." 

_On the inside._

The words were left unspoken and the doctor sighed, gliding over to his nakama. _I suppose that's good enough._ "Okay Zoro, let's get started. Remove your shirt please."

The teen moved, motions much more fluid than before and with one swift movement, the cloth was gone and discarded. It fell haphazardly on the floor in a messy clump.

"Do you need anesthesia?" He asked, serious despite the complete and utter pointlessness of his actions. There was no way Zoro was hurt, not physically at least, but stlll, Chopper made sure he was careful and meticulous in the way he prodded the teen's body.

"You know I don't."

"Yes, I know. But it never hurts to ask." After a few moments, the reindeer took a step back, evaluating the swordsman with a calculated gaze. "You're not sick." He stated bluntly, knowing the last thing Zoro would want was pity.

At that the green head cocked a brow, smirking and stared at he ceiling. "Not even going to check my temperature Doc? Seems careless."

The medic bristled. "God _damn_ it Zoro." He growled, ignoring others wide-eyed expression. "I don't know what Sanji said and I won't ask. I'm your doctor, and as your doctor, as the one who will one day become the greatest doctor the world, I'm telling you: You aren't sick. Not physically, and not for liking a man. There's nothing wrong with you. _That's_ my diagnosis. Are you willing to accept the consequences that come with calling me a liar?"

The teen laughed mirthlessly. "Easy there. No need to get all big on me." His tone grew ominous and Chopper felt a chill roll down his spine, ears flattening. He balled his hands into fists, belatedly noting that at some point he'd morphed into his human form. "I suggest you turn back. Or I'll assume you want to fight."

There was something in the words that made the boy pause, a dark thrum of anticipation, a goading lilt hanging as though it wanted him to take the bair. 

So Chopper punched Zoro in the face.

And Chopper should've known, really he should've known. But the swordsman...was exceptionally strong.

A fight was hardly what it would be called, more than a it was a tussle. In a frenzy, the doctor found himself swinging wildly, his fist connecting several times with the other's face. 

He hated violence. It disgusted him. Violence wasn't right, it wasn't nice to fight unless it was for your friends. It wasn't okay to fight your friends. But something inside told the medic that this was what Zoro wanted.

And as the boy began to feel liquid run between his fingers, mixed with a sharp metallic tang, he couldn't help but be just the tiniest bit glad.

_At least now he has injuries I can treat. So that I can actually help._

"That's enough Chopper." The green head stated gruffly, grabbing his wrist moving it to the side. Zoro was sitting up, blood running down one eye and a weird little smile on his face. The tan teen reached out a hand and involuntarily, Chopper felt himself flinch in fear, shrinking back to his normal size. Instead of the punch he as expecting, a hand landed on his shoulder and he looked up in surprise.

"I didn't think you'd actually do it. So thank you. It helped me let off some steam. Helps you out to doesn't it?"

Zoro. Who appeared uncaring, but was in fact always thinking of others. The big brother that he always wanted. His nakama. Zoro, who was in pain. Chopper sniffled, scolding himself for being such a crybaby when he wasn't even the one hurt.

"I want you to be happy." The boy whispered, his own heart feeling heavy.

There was no answer.

“Do you think it would work...if my face was different, softer?" The teen started, after Chopper had patched him up, a bandage wrapped around his head. "If I had round eyes and useless sacks of meat on my chest? Hips with enough sway to mesmerize the shit cook until he couldn’t think of anyone but me. Do you think it would be easier...if I were a woman?”

Zoro scoffed, grey eyes conveying every emotion his voice was so carefully devoid of as he spoke. “I would never though. Allow myself to be whatever damsel in distress he envisions. Thar would be without honor. And I could never bring myself to disrespect the woman who had shown me strength.”

Chopper had no clue what to say, didn’t even know where to begin and the reindeer looked away, knowing that the pain his patient felt had no cure. That it was a disease the medic could never heal.

Heartache.

“Hey doc, think you could find a way to make me forget?”

Of course he couldn’t. But Zoro had to have already known that.

"No. I can't. There's no cure for you except time, and that might not even work."

He watched the teen sigh, letting out a low breath.

"Yeah, I thought so." The green head stated, getting up and stretching, before grabbing Luffy's hat and putting it back on.

"There's nothing I can do for you, but maybe this'll help." Silently, Chopper reached under his hat, hooves hooking on the key and he pulled down, holding it out towards the swordsman. "You know what it is. Just...be careful please. And if you're going to drink the entire cabinet, do it in moderation."

Wordlessly, Zoro grabbed the key and walked out, a backwards wave to show he'd heard the warning.

Feeling worse than when the day began, Chopper watched him go, guilt and sadness warring within his heart.

He was such a useless doctor.

This fight wasn't like the others. It was intense in a way that it shouldn't have been. Remarkably violent, sickening pops and echoing squeal of shoes against wood replacing the normally harsh, yet playful remarks.

Each strike was designed to maim, rather than harm. Maul, rather than taunt.

They were on the lower end of the deck, down the stairs of the Going Merry, not far from the foremast. Their pirate flag flew above them, smiling skull gazing stoically out at the calm ocean. Bottles littered the ground, each empty and drained of the valuable liquor. 

He'd spotted the overgrown algae resting near the rails, green haramaki garishly offensive and Luffy's straw hat shielding the tan, stupidly handsome face from the world-- rightfully so. At the sight, Sanji had paused, the significance of the image before him settling heavy in his gut. He'd brushed the uneasy feeling off with a quiet scoff. It was _Luffy._

There couldn't possibly have been any romantic or sentimental feelings in the gesture, even though their captain almost _never_ let anyone touch the prized possession. 

"You damn cook, I _told_ you I was thirsty."

Sanji saw the snap of Zoro's wrist, a subtle flick, a twitch of muscle, and heard a sound like a whistle, then cursed under his breath as he felt his foot tether off course, steel sliding against leather. He angled his foot, stopping the blade before it could reach his shoulder and shred the expensive fabric. "I don't give a flying fuck _what_ you were!"

The blond sprung forward, using speed and dexterity to dash towards his opponent, tonguing the cigarette in his mouth and flicking it at the green head spitefully. "You drank my alcohol storage dry. Not to mention the damn _white wine,_ which isn't even designed for casual consumption you arrogant asshole! I needed it to make dinner tonight!"

The swordsman dodged his kick easily, tilting his head to the side with an evil smirk, gray eyes flashing and clearly pleased with the chef's furious disposition. As if drinking all the liquor had been an act of revenge and Sanji completely _deserved_ it.

Fucking asshole.

"What's the matter shit-cook? Mad 'cause you have nothing special to serve to your _precious_ ladies? Maybe you should've guarded the key better, though its not like that would've stopped me either way."

Zoro crouched low, only one sword in hand and Sanji felt a fresh wave of anger. As if the green head using only one blade represented his feelings towards the blonde. As if the tan teen was deeming him to be _lesser._

_"Aww come on Sanji! You can't be_ that _weak. Doesn't that mean he's like a woman? Papa said that women were supposed to do whatever we men said because that was their job. And if Sanji's this weak, then he's like a woman. Which means...we can do whatever we want to him."_ The voice rang in his head and Sanji growled, baring his teeth in a deep scowl. _"Shut up."_ He whispered, insecurities rearing their ugly head, though beneath it all was fear. Fear of the people he'd die before calling _family_. Fear that **_they_** were right and he deserved to be subjugated to a man. Fear that he'd eventually snap and kill the other. That whatever power _**those people**_ shoved inside him would surge out. That in the process, Zoro would refuse to just leave, would probably get lost on the way to hell. And that Sanji would be happy, so happy. To the point that he'd break. He'd shatter even more than he already was. "Shut up. Shut up. _SHUT UP_!"

He watched as Zoro came to him, whirling on his feet with a balance and grace that was disgustingly unfair for a man of his size. The sword sang praises as it sliced through the air, as though it was rejoicing to the possibility of tasting blood. The tan teen slashed downward, cut dangerously close to the chef's face and he gazed in begrudging admiration as locks of blonde hair glided towards the ground.

Sanji allowed the his body bend into a quick black flip and leapt unto the rails, legs bent and stance steady. He sneered. "To think you'd stoop so low as to steal from a _kid_. What happened to honor and pride and discipline and all of that, huh? So much for _that_ bullshit."

Zoro growled, gray eyes darkening to black and without breaking contact, he reached for another sword, bringing them across his chest in an 'X'. The blonde tried not to feel satisfied at the added weapon, instead reprimanding his unfiltered speech and further putting himself at a disadvantage. 

The other stalked forward, a predator to prey and Sanji knew that he couldn't walk into those blades, not if he wanted to keep both of his legs. He stayed at a ready, trying to anticipate the swordsman's next move, when he spotted a nearby bottle of sake on the ground, liquid sloshing inside from the constant movement on the deck and exposed by the sunlight. Sanji smirked, lips twitching at the absence of his cigarette and he dived to the floor, sliding his hands out of his pockets and landed, hooking the bottle on his foot and kicking it at Zoro.

As expected, the teen sliced directly through it without exerting much effort, though the action elicited a hiss as the green head was momentarily blinded by the substance. Sanji took the opportunity to get in close, hoping to limit the other's reach. He raised his leg to deliver a blow and faster than he'd ever seen before, even from old man Zeff, his kick was blocked. The silver gleam of a blade was the only indication of what had stopped the attack, and the blonde spared a thought to wonder how the _hell_ Zoro had done that.

The green head was wearing a sinister smile, gaze narrowed and strangely exhilarated. The sun shone and belatedly, Sanji realized he was close enough to count the individual flecks of gold hidden in the depth's of Zoro's eyes. It was mesmerizing, enough to make him forget what they were doing, why they were fighting in the first. And an ache ravaged his heart, a desperate pleading of _why can't we always be this close? Why does it have to be when we fight?_ The tan teen's face softened a fraction and Sanji could almost believe that the other felt it too.

The inexplicable pull.

"Zoro." Luffy's voice sounded, breaking the spell, and the blonde spared a glance up, seeing their captain perched on the headboard, peering down with a pointed glare. "I thought I told you to deal with it."

He didn't miss the way Zoro bared his teeth, green brows furrowed in frustration. "It isn't as easy as you make it sound Luffy."

"See." That was Nami's voice, she was pouring over a map on the upper level and didn't even bother to look towards the action sounding bored and knowing. "I told you he wouldn't crack."

"And I'm telling you to give it time." That was Usopp, tinkering with some new gadget near the rudder, sounding exasperated. "We can go double or nothing if it'll placate you. But don't pull anything funny when I win."

"Deal!" Nami responded, and for once Sanji couldn't help but feel a flare of anger. He had no clue what they were betting on, but he hated that he was in the middle of it, felt disrespected and shoved on display. He wasn't meant to be the center of attention in any situation. He wasn't a woman. That was _their_ job. They were meant to be fawned over and shown off.

At the thought, he winced, scoffing at his idiocy. The chef hated that he was this way.

Almost as if he'd read his mind, Zoro laughed, devoid of any real mirth. 'What's the matter shit cook? Debating if you should abandon the fight like a coward? I'm starting to think the only thing you can do is run away."

It hit too close to the truth.

Slowly, Sanji lowered his leg, taking a deep breath and wishing desperately for his smokes. In an instant the green head had a bloody nose, and a cut cheek, though Sanji couldn't remember ever moving, especially not with the katana pressing against his neck. That and, he'd no clue when he grabbed the previously shattered bottle and pointed it at the swordsman's throat.

It was followed by the realization that _holy shit_ he was using his hands.

_"EH???_ SANJI, YOU'RE USING YOUR HANDS!" Luffy echoed the thought, filled with awe and excitement.

"WHAT???" Usopp and Nami exclaimed, their perfect unison almost frightening. 

"GUYS STOP PLEASE." Chopper came running from his office, young eyes wide and frantic. He stood next to the older teens, fur bristling. "SANJI STOP THIS. YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS! IT WASN'T ZORO'S FAULT. IT WAS--"

**_"STOP. Not another word Tony."_** Zoro growled, effectively silencing the boy.

Chopper stared at them with tears beginning to well and sniffed loudly, feet shuffling. "B-but Zoro. Sanji doesn't have to be mad at you anymore for stealing the key from me since I--"

"Chopper, _please."_ The green head pleaded, uncharacteristically gentle. "I _need_ this."

Sanji felt his heart swell with happiness, feeling proud that Zoro felt the need to be with _him,_ to be in this moment, right where Sanji was. That and the sudden realization that judging from Chopper's guilty expression Zoro never stole the key, meaning that something was seriously wrong if it'd been handed over willingly. In that moment he wanted to stop fighting. He wanted to pull Zoro close and apologize. He wanted to count each fleck of gold feel the warmth of the swordsman's body.

He killed the thought, revulsion washing up and drowning him in dread. He felt like heaving, throwing up into the ocean until all the attraction he had towards the other washed away to the bottom of the sea. "I hate you. I hate you _so_ much."

The ship was silent, the first real silence that they'd had in a long time and the blonde tensed, unable to look the other in the eye, feeling disgusted with himself yet again. He waited for a smart remark, or maybe the sensation of his head hitting the floor, detached from his body, but none of that happened.

Instead, Zoro took a step back, and with a practice flick, cleared the blood off of Wado before sheathing it and smirking at the chef. "I know. But that ship had sailed by, hasn't it?" The swordsman replied, then nodded to Sanji's hand. "Careful not to cut your hands cook. Important, aren't they?" As if to prove his point Zoro leaned forward, piercing his throat. Sanji watched as a drop of blood trailed down that tan neck, a string of emotions running high.

"Human's are fragile things." The swordsman stated robotically, as though repeating something once told to him. "They break easily." The green head glanced up to Luffy, who'd stopped watching their fight a while back. "Seems I've upset the shit-cook. Enough for him to say he hates me. You gonna kick my ass now?"

The ravenette thought for a moment, before smiling widely and shaking his head. "No, buuuuuut" He stretched his arm, retrieving the fallen straw hat and slapped it back on Zoro's head. "You gotta take care of this you know. Its my treasure."

Sanji watched as Zoro patted the hat with a fond grin and felt his chest contract, wishing the smile was directed at _him_ instead.

He turned and walked away, mind filled and heart heavy, mouth tasting of dread. "I know we just ate lunch not too long ago, but there's rations in the pantry. Try not to eat all of it okay? I'll go pre-plan breakfast."

Luffy cheered, his happy laugh echoing on the silent ship.

Sanji hated when it was quiet.

It was when **_their_** voices were the loudest.

Luffy was already in the galley waiting by the time Sanji got there, only mildly perturbed. The raven head could be scarily stealthy when he wanted to be.

"You need anything Captain? Pantry's below deck you know." The blonde said, pulling out a much needed cigarette and reached in his vest pocket for a lighter, hands shaking slightly.

"I'm not here for food." The other stated plainly and Sanji startled, dropping the lighter in surprise and damn near setting him alight in the process.

"The _hell_ do you mean you don't want food? You're not sick right?" He asked, only half joking and feeling a mix between apprehensive and concerned. 

Luffy didn't answer right away, instead choosing to stare stoically at the other male, black gaze seeming as though it could see right through the chef's calm facade, and instantly the somber atmosphere returned, doubled in strength. "Don't worry, I'll eat when we're done talking."

Terrifying.

That was the only way to describe it. The feeling of murderous aura flowing in gushing, unrestrained waves with enough power to drop a lesser man. Coupled with the open, friendly smile of his captain and the ominous sensation grew in force.

There were no words or descriptions that could fully encompass the horrifying power that was Monkey D. Luffy, the future Pirate King. Sanji felt his knees buckle slightly under the glare and felt his face flush in shame, grabbing a chair and taking a seat, feeling like he lost some silent battle. No amount of stalling was going to end this conversation any sooner, so he lit his cancer stick and took a long drag, steeling himself for whatever was to come.

"Sanji, you're my Nakama. You're my chef. And you mean a lot to me. Everyone does. This crew is my family." The younger started and the blonde nodded slowly, hairs on his neck standing solemnly at attention. "We fight all the time. That said, if you _ever_ do something to hurt Zoro on purpose like that again... _I'll kill you."_

Sanji knew it was an empty threat. Luffy was a lot of things, but cold-hearted wasn't one. He knew the ravenette didn't mean it, not truly, but the dark glare directed his way said otherwise.

"Yosh!" The blonde responded, fighting to keep his tone even, not wanting to betray his unease. "Of course Captain." Sanji lowered his head, taking in the chipped wood of the table, subject to numerous unspeakable cases of abuse. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it."

For a moment, the younger's expression softened. "I know." Then grew serious once more. "Something's going on between you and Zoro, don't lie, I can tell." Luffy started, uncharacteristically dark and Sanji decided that he didn't like this side of his captain. "Your food has been tasting off for weeks now. I told him to deal with it, since I knew that he'd be calmer than you and he told me he would. I know he wasn't lying and I trust Zoro, I really do but.." The ravenette's hand wandered to his head, pulling gently on the black locks and likely missing his straw hat. "It seems like... his way of dealing with this, is by making you hate him."

" _Eh?_ But why would he do that?! As if I could _actually_ hate the idiot. That doesn't accomplish anything. Wait, the hell is he trying to accomplish anyways? What are you even making him _deal_ with?"

"I think he thinks it's be easier on you. And easier on him." The captain responded, ignoring his chef's questioning.

"You're being vague Luffy, and a cryptic you is always one to be afraid of. Just spit it out already. What do you mean?"

The 17 year old shrugged. "Its not my place to say, but do me a favor Sanji, and keep an eye on Zoro, okay? I have a weird feeling. Also I'm not asking. It the least you can do for the shit you pulled earlier, you understand?"

The worry in Luffy's voice was masked by his stupidly cheerful tone but the bonde heard it clear as day. Maybe even because it echoed the worry pounding in his own heart. And distantly, Sanji noted that he'd never seen his captain actually worried about anyone, and then, much closer to home, the thought was followed by a sensation of pure despair. 

"Wait!" He stood up, slamming his hands on the table and yelled before he could stop to think about what he was going to say. "A-are you and the shitty swordsman... _involved_ with one another?"

The other paused, staring with a blank, uncomprehending face, then laughed, instantly dissipating the dark atmosphere. "Shishishihihihi you really are dumb Sanji. Its kind of annoying. I know I never say it but, Zoro is kinda like my vice captain. We've traveled together the longest and like the rest of you he's Nakama. Your dumber than I thought if you didn't knwo that Zoro--"

"Enemy ship! Enemy ship! Marine ship approaching! Prepare to engage in battle." Usopp's voice rung from above deck and Sanji cursed under his breath. 

"Well, I gotta go! Come fight if you want, it might make you feel better!"

"Huh? Where are you going? Aren't we going to finish talking?" Judging by the snipers damn near bored tone, completely unusual, the marines were probably small fry and hardly a threat.

"Nah! I'm gonna go make sure that idiot of yours doesn't get himself killed just cause he's sad. And besides, I already said everything I wanted." For a moment, his face hardened. "I'm serious though, on the seas, we're all we have. You try to hurt my brother on purpose again just because _you're_ dealing with something and I really will kick your ass. I want all of you to be happy, not just some, okay?" 

In a flash Luffy was gone, voice suddenly chipper as he called out to the swordsman. "OIIIIIIIIIII ZORO! Come and fight with me! Lets beat some marine butt woohooo!"

Still somewhat shaken, Sanji sighed, contemplating if he should go out and fight, before deciding against it. There was was simply no point. Better to get dinner started since wasn't like they could eat rations all night. Besides, being in motion was the best possible thing to keep him from completely losing his shit. That many maybe another cigarette.

He glared forlornly at the stub between his fingers, before putting it out and tossing it in the trash, not bothering to turn around. 

The battle didn't last long. 

Sanji was glad. Food was better fresh after all.

And he didn't want to think about how reckless Zoro normally is. 

But it all turned out fine.

He let out a breath.

"OI!!!! CAN I EAT NOW! ITS BEEN FOREVER SINCE LUNCH!" 

Luffy barreled through the kitchen door where the blonde had been waiting for his inevitable arrival. He waved a hand towards the table, stacked high with different meals.

"Have at it. Wash your hands though first, and try not to spill blood everywhere. You're lucky I'm not making you take a shower."

"Yosh!" The boy exclaimed, rushing over to the sink.

"Food's in the galley, hurry on up or our black hole of a captain will eat your share!"

As if by magic, the rest of the crew bustled in, each washing their hands and taking a seat at the table, lively due to a nice victory. 

"We're going to the nearest island! We earned it!" Nami exclaimed and the entire crew cheered, raising their mugs in the air.

"YOSH! Good!" The 17 year old exclaimed, and everyone ignored their captain, too caught up in the fervor of post battle.

Luffy laughed joyously as he recalled his fights, rivaled only by Usopp who spoke of how he took down 8,000 men all by himself with one shot from his new special tobacco attack.

Collectively, no one made a remark about Zoro's absence and Sanji had no clue whether to feel relieved or concerned. If anything, he was irritated, because maybe it was his imagination, but it felt like both Luffy and Robin were staring at him, shootign pointed glares his way.

Abruptly, Sanji slammed his hands down on the table, quieting the conversation and apologized profusely. "Sorry." He said, smiling a bit. "A thought just crossed my mind is all."

He made his way to the kitchen, grabbing a plate and filling it with food, before going to his extra secret stash and grabbing the last bottle of sake they had, an expensive kind, but he didn't waste a second thought on it. It was the least the chef could do.

Sanji headed towards the training room, no doubt where the idiot marimo would be and raised a foot, kicking on the door so it rattled. "Oi! Open the door shitty swordsman, food's here."

After what felt an an eternity, the wooden barrier cracked open, revealing a head of fluffy green hair. Zoro glared at him through narrow eyes.

"So you had more sake after all?" The brute grunted out, not at all surprised. "Figures."

"Ruined whatever scheme you had did I?" The blonde asked, holding back a smirk. "If you must know, it came from my extra secret stash. The last bottle. And its the good stuff." He held the plate out, stomping down the urge to look away, when a hand yanked his wrist closer. Suddenly he was in the training room, door closed, and food out of his hand, placed gently on the floor. Zoro was staring at him with an intense expression.

Sanji thought he saw a flicker of despair but it wasgone before he could be sure. Something about the sight though made his walls crumble and he blurted out the words that had been on his mind since midday.

"I lied. I don't hate you."

At that, the swordsman snorted. "I know that much shit cook." His face sobered. "But... you might soon."

"Eh? What do you--" Sanji started to ask, but was interrupted.

"I want-- _need_ you to swear to me that above all else, we're Nakama. That you won't let it jeopardize the crew."

Someone about the words struck a chord with the chef and he recalled Usopp telling him the same thing the night before. 

_"You should talk to him. Tell him Sanji, because if you don't, it'll fester and eventually hurt this crew."_

He sighed. "Of course dumbass, as if I'd let something change that."

No sooner were the words out of his mouth, that he felt something press against his lips.

Warmth.

It course through his entire body.

It was as though he'd been cold his entire life was only just now experiencing this blessed heat. 

The kiss was chaste. Simple and quick, no more than a brush of lips but it tortured Sanji's mind in ways he couldn't even comprehend. When they finally parted, he felt dazed. His face was flushed but he couldn't stop staring at Zoro's tan skin painted a delicious red.

The swordsman took a step back, looking ridiculously awkward and scratched the back of his head, mussing the short green hear even further. 

"Tch, I'm not good with words, so if that wasn't enough I don't know what to say. No need to worry though. I'll get over it."

He watched as the 19 year old bent down, grabbing the plate and walked out of the room, glancing back at the other to say, "I'm gonna go eat with everyone one else now. Thanks for the food. And..sorry for, you know. Just once, I wanted to know what your lips felt like."

With that, the teen left, and Sanji felt himself slide to the floor, unsure what to make of it. Suddenly, everything made sense. That moment of closeness while they fought, Luffy and Robin, Usopp. All of it.

His face began to hurt and Sanji realized that he was smiling like an idiot. Like a stupid fucking idiot.

He touched his lips, finally comprehending what the hell just happened to him.

He was kissed!

He was _kissed._

By Zoro of all people. 

By the person he loved.

Zoro loved him.

_Holy shit._

This time, the elation was followed by familiar dread. Disgust welled inside him and he buried his head in his knees. 

_This is a good thing._ He told himself. _This is good._

If that was the case, then why did he feel so fucking horrible?

He fell asleep in the room and woke up in the galley, in time to watch the sun set and get ready for dinner.

He didn't need to wonder who brought him back.

"Want to tell me why I have to go with _you_ of all people?" 

"Want me to tell you how much money you'll owe me if you don't shut up?" Nami quipped back, fast in her delivery, but Zoro knew better. He saw the concern flash through he expression.

The Pirate Thief was worried and wanted to talk. He scoffed, of fucking course she did. 

After his conversations with both Luffy and Chopper, the swordsman really wasn't in the mood for any more meddling. It'd been weeks since he'd alledgedly confessed and things had _finally_ begun to return to normal between him and the shit cook.

"Ah, even when she's giving orders, she's a vision." Said shit-cook cooed, eye rounder than a saucer, sunlight reflecting just enough to catch a a patch of sea green and--

_Fuck._

Nothing had changed at all huh?

He caught Nami's gaze, not missing her knowing smirk and scowled, realizing that there was no way out of the impending conversation. 

"Now that I think about it.." The red head began, voice thick and dripping in false sweetness that instantly put the 19 year old on edge. "It might actually be better if you went with Sanji, don'tcha think?"

Zoro smiled.

"I see how it is. You should've just told me you were suicidal, _witch_. No need to provoke me, I'll _gladly_ murder you." He gripped his swords, fighting the urge to summon a real grin as he watched the girl laugh. Fucking seriously, their navigator was beyond insufferable.

It was probably why they were such good friends. Not that he'd ever admit it out loud, not in a thousand damn years.

Suddenly, there was a foot poised at his throat, dangerously hovering above his adam's apple. The sharp scent of spicxe and nicotine filled his nostrils and the swordsman glared at the culprit, who waited until they made eye contact, then purposefully blew a large path of smoke into his face.

Zoro refused to cough. Like hell.

"Who the hell do you think you're talking to Marimo?" The cook's voice was low, an undertone of threat layered beneath the calm words. "Because it couldn't have possibly been our dearest Nami-swan."

"Oi, don't get your panties all in a twist ero-cook. Jealous cause I'm stealing your precious witch red-head?" He smirked as he watched Sanji's brow twitch, silently laughing at the blonde's enraged expression. It filled him with a sense of relief. Maybe things _weren't_ back to normal-- they probably could never be-- but at least there was this. 

Zoro needed _someone_ to pit his strength against. If the dumb nosebleed-kun had insisted on a tense peace it would've drove the teen mad. Sanji was a walking power meter, something to help the 19 year old assess his progress. If he was gone, no doubt Zoro would stray.

And hell, in the end it was just bloody fucking fun to spar.

"Oh boys, please don't fight over me." Nami oozed, batting her thick lashes coyly and the green head turned away, letting a loose scowl befall his features. 

"If its for you, dearest Nami-swan, I would gladly fight anyone who dared to be blind to your beauty and greatness. You, who are a walking goddess, I willingly lay down my life. But alas, you are absolutely right. Why should I waste time on this idiot marimo with _you_ around to keep me company?" The cook replied, voice high-pitched and love-struck.

She promptly ignored him, turning away and quickly issuing out orders to everyone else. "Alright then, I gave you guys your allowances right? Splurg to your hearts content, you earned it. And don't worry about ship finances, I saved aside enough beri for that too. We can handle all the serious stuff tomorrow. Meet back here at midday!"

"Yosh!" They all responded, the swordsman only letting out non-committal grunt. 

"Alright you muscle bound idiot, you're with me, but first I have to change." The red-head started, heading in the direction of the town, as everyone else went their own ways, before pausing to wink over her shoulder. "What? You saying you _don't_ want to go out for drinks? Knowing you, you'd get there right before closing time. Its not gonna be added to your debt either, so you should take the deal while its hot. Going once, going twice--"

And if Zoro decided to shove his hands down his pockets, trailing behind the manipulative witch, it was only because he wanted to drown himself in as much liquor as possible.

The bar was bustling, crowded without any chance or promise of space, skin rubbing against skin, the stench of alcohol and sweat mingling in the air as hordes of patrons mingled below. Zoro grimaced as someone split a table in half, the rickety wood unable to support the shaky dancing on top of it and finally letting go of its last strands of life. Music blared loudly on unseen speakers, bodies writhing together as they moved.

Every time he walked into one of these places, he asked himself why the hell he was there.

The bartender slid him a freshly refilled cup and just like that, the swordsman's memory was effectively jogged.

"Lively, aren't they?" Nami asked offhandedly, her dark eyes scouring the crowd, observing, listening, not missing a beat. It was one of the many things that Zoro liked about her. She didn't half-ass anything, always making sure to follow through on whatever tasking she had before her. He realized it way back when on that dumbass cactus island. 

A light swat to the arm garnered his attention and he turned to see that dark gaze leveled at him, pert mouth tilted in a slight frown. "Didn't you hear me?"

Zoro grunted. "I don't know what you were expecting, its a bar. The people are always lively."

She huffed, crossing her arms childishly and pouted, earning a few sloppy whistles from somewhere in the masses. "You're no fun."

He smirked, taking another swig of the ale and relished the burning sensation as it slid down his throat, coating the inside with a pleasant tingle. "Sure I am. You just aren't worth the effort it'd take to get interested."

"Eh, interested? What do you m--" Zoro watched with an evil glee as her eyes trailed down his body before landing on his crotch, cheeks flushing a light pink. And then she started to laugh.

"EW. You pervert! Haha, I didn't know you had it in you to make a lewd joke. Guess I was wrong about you have a stick shoved up your ass." Her chocolate gaze sharpened and smile grew wicked, leaving the swordsman to wonder how literally no one could see the conniving witch for what she was. "But you'd probably like that, wouldn't you?"

Just once, he decided to concede defeat, mumbling a quiet, "touche" before giving his own smile in return.

"Sorry to interrupt." Came a voice, and the 19 year old grunted, lazily turning his head around to meet the purple gaze of the bartender. "I couldn't help but overhear you earlier conversation, about the lively townspeople?"

_Yeah and likely everything after that too._ Zoro thought, though he didn't bother to comment.

"Oh yeah! What about it?" Nami asked, batting her eyes and placing her arms under her breasts, not-so-subtly enunciating her figure. Zoro could laugh and hell, he almost did. He wasn't sure how, but he could tell. Like Luffy, this guy wasn't the type to be swayed by bodily appearances alone. 

"There's going to be a party in the next few weeks. A huge celebration, revered by the people who live here. You should stay, if your interested that is." And then the pale-- stupidly good looking, though Zoro would never admit it-- motherfucker had the audacity to flash a boyish grin, eyes disappearing under a long silver bang, hair short and tapered off in the back."It'll be fun."

"We'll think about it." The red-head mused aloud, speaking before he could say anything, and her gaze grew thoughtful. "It's not like any of our idiot friends are going to complain."

_Smart girl._ Not mentioning anyone by name, in the unfortunate, but sadly repetitive event that they'd end up targeted. Its not like he didn't mind a nice game of cat and mouse, but still....

He chugged the rest of the alcohol, feeling some of the liquid run down his chin and ignoring Nami's disgusted snort.

This place had good booze. It'd be a shame to leave too soon.

As soon as the swordsman put his mug down, it was like another was magically there, and the bartender gave a knowing smile. "My name is Akuma by the way. And welcome to Barci."

Zoro didn't respond, instead choosing to incline his head slightly. It was only as he brought the cup to his lips once more that he felt it and froze, flint glare fleecing the crowd. 

It was an ominous feeling. Not the full blooded rage or razor edge cool that could be associated with murderous intent, but it wasn't calm enough to taken as anything but a certain-to-keep threat. It put him on edge, hand instinctively itching for Wado. Slowly he made eye contact with a bright blue leer, every bit as dangerous as his own. The person-- man or woman-- Zoro could tell from this distance, had their face covered by a mop of black wavy hair, not unattractive if unnerving. It felt as though time was slowed, the swordsman able to see each and every sparkle of mischief in the stranger's eyes. They grinned, giving a small wave and in a flash, the moment was over, said stranger turning away, their dark aura vanishing into thin air. 

"The hell is wrong with you now? You've gone into your macho battle mode. Seriously relax, I'm not going to grill into you, if that's what has you all on edge. Consider it a favor."

At that, Zoro snorted, muscles unclenching and breath going back to its normal regulation. "A favor always cost something when you're in the mix witch. But I'm fine, I just--sensed something for a moment there. Everyone's staring...at you specifically." He added, doing what he could to sound unphased. And he sure as hell saw the smug smirk on the bartenders face. The hell did that look even mean?

"Well of course they are." Nami responded, grinning coyly. "I'm a vision."

She really was, especially tonight, clad in a short black mini dress with a low, swooping back and material that hugged every inch of her body. A studded barrette adorned her short hair, making it appear fuller. 

She was hot, and if Zoro didn't know _exactly_ how her personality was, he might've been tempted to approach her just like all the other poor saps. 

Not like he'd ever tell her that though.

Regardless, she seemed to read his thoughts. "What? Name one person _wouldn't_ want a piece of me."

He raised his mug in silent admission, grinning internally when she rolled her eyes.

"Yeah right, as if _you_ could pass this up." The girl stated, waving a hand over her body.

"Trust me, I can." The tan teen retorted, not missing a beat.

Nami leaned in, scooting closer until her breast rested against the swordsman's hand. "Even if I said it'd lower your debt?" She asked, a sultry lilt to her tone. "What about then?"

"Then I'd ask Akuma over there for a paper bag and give you the best fuck of your life."

Nami raised a brow. "Okay, but why the paper bag?"

Zoro smirked. "Either to cover your face with or throw up in. Maybe both, I haven't decided."

Akuma snorted quietly, oblivious to the red-head's playful glare.

"But hey, let me pay you back in advance with some intel you'll find interesting." The swordsman said, hoping to placate his friend. She looked at him, clearly curious and before he could convince-- more like _remind_ himself that it was a bad idea, he was already speaking.

"I kissed him. The shitty cook."

Out the million and one reactions he conceived, the deflated sigh he got was on the bottom of the list.

"I knew that already idiot. You kept making stupid love-sick expressions that one night a few weeks ago. So, how'd he react?"

Zoro shrugged. "I didn't stay long enough to find out. Not easy to kiss and stick around someone who says that love between two men is sick and then later proceeds to tell you he hates you, before revealing that he actually doesn't. Except you have no clue what to believe because he has this distant, hostile look in his eye but you say "I know" anyways because you care and want to comfort him even if he's being an ass. Hell, you even visited the doctor and asked if they could help you with this sickness of yours but they said no since you aren't actually ill. You then asked if things would be easier if you were a woman, and knowing the answer was yes, you practically beg your doctor--who's still a kid, mind you-- to make you forget. They tell you they can't do that and instead give you a key to all the booze. You drink yourself to oblivion. The next day you're rudely awakened with a kick to the face, and a fight that follows. But this fight isn't like the others. Its harsh and dangerous. But in the middle, there's this moment of closeness and you wonder if he feels it too. But then you realize he doesn't. And still, knowing all that, you kissed him."

The words poured out in one fell swoop, more than he planned to say, to ever admit, even to himself--especially to himself, let alone Nami. He smiled ruefully. "Now I'm not a cook witch, but that sounds like a recipe for disaster."

For once, she didn't seem to know what to say. And Zoro was honestly glad. He knew that for all her money grabbing, blackmailing tendencies, she wouldn't lord his suffering over his head. 

Wordlessly, the girl turned, gaining the bartenders attention. "Akuma dear, mind giving us a few more rounds please?" 

The swordsman grunted his approval, doing his best to ignore the growing ache in his chest, the one that had been growing for months now. The black void of loneliness that was sure to swallow him whole soon. 

"Hell must've froze over Nami, because I _actually_ agree with you."

He didn't miss her widening eyes and equally wide smile. One that made her look truly gorgeous, because it was real and genuine.

Zoro didn't blame her for being surprised.

After all, it was the first time he'd ever said her name. 

"Drinking competition?" She implored, eye brows raised and cheeks rosy.

He nodded solemnly. "Drinking competition." 

_I'm with her rolling_   
_My heart is broken_

Zoro grunted, listening to the music as it wafted over him, downing his 6th drink. It wasn't enough to get him hammered, not nearly, but there was a nice burning sensation in his throat.

He snorted, letting the lyrics of the song process in his brain and shot a side-long glance over to Nami, who had just finished her 5th mug.

"What?" She asked, cheeks and the bridge of her nose a warm red. The swordsman smirked, signaling for his seventh drink and sticking his tongue out at the red-head's irritated huff, before lifting his finger up and making circular motions in the air, indicating the unseen music.

"This song. It suits you. Kinda scary, maybe it was some guy you flirted up in the past."

He watched in interest as she perked up, tilting her head to the side, a look of concentration overcoming her features.

_My money's stolen_   
_My shawty is so bad (But I'm ready to go buy)_   
_Anything that she likes_   
_Get whatever's on her mind_   
_Spending money overtime_

She gave him a toothy grin. "Hm, looks like you're right. I like this song. Clearly the girl he's talking about is sensible." 

Zoro rolled his eyes. "Right, or just another thieving witch who preys on hopeless romantics."

There was a pause, then they turned and looked at each other, wide smiles gracing their lips.

_"Sanji!"_

_"Shitty ero-cook!"_

Another moment of silence, as the two processed what the other said, and then they laughed, their voices mingling in pleasant cadence. 

_She take my dinero_   
_Take my dinero_   
_She take my dinero_   
_Take my dinero_

Nami scrunched her eyebrows in confusion, brown gaze growing foggy. "Dinero? What's that?"

He started in on his eighth drink, sweat forming on his face as the body heat in the bar increased. "'S'nother way to say beri. Don't ask me why, I have no clue. I heard it once from a guy I used to go pirate hunting with from time to time, on the occasions we ran into on another."

Damn perceptive woman, picking up on the subtle fondness in his tone that he couldn't quite purge.

"Ohhhh? Was this guy your gay awakening?"

"First off, stop being so damn perceptive, and second, hell no, its not like that. There was no gay awakening, mainly because the guy was to me like Johnny or Yusaku." He watched as Nami wrinkled her nose in distaste, clearly remembering the two buffoons who'd traveled with them to Cocoyashi Village.

The swordsman nodded, crossing his arms and satisfied to see that she understood the complete improbability of what she'd suggested. "So yeah, no. No 'gay awakening' as you put it." He shrugged carelessly at her curious expression. "I've never had that before, though I heard stories about it, from men and women alike. Still, it wasn't like I woke up one morning and said to myself, "I want some dick." There was-- I guess there was just an ever present thought of "I don't care." 

"You don't care?" 

Zoro nodded, knowing that it sounded weird and not sure how to explain it properly. "Its just like--" He paused, drinking his ninth mug-- "If I like someone, then that's it you know? Nothing else really matters, except what's in here," He pointed to his heart-- "and what's in here." He pointed to his head.

"Pure of heart and clear of mind, huh?" Nami asked, face fully flushed as she downed her either mug, eyes growing hazy. "Never pegged you to be into the straight-laced type."

The swordsman snorted, making sure his senses were sharp as he slouched down, spreading in legs and allowing his body to relax. "Hardly. I mean-- the cook's one of the most gutter-minded people we know. And as much as it pisses me off, I could care less."

There was a twinkle in her eye that he decided promptly he didn't like. The navigator leaned forward, speaking lowly, words coming out in a low rumble. "That's very contradictory of you Mr. Bushido."

Zoro scrunched his face, leaning back a fraction in revulsion, before making a quick grab to the drink on the counter. It was his tenth one, though at this point, they were hardly having a competition anymore. 

"You damn witch," The 19 year growled. "Don't call me that, with _that_ tone, I ain't her, you know. Maybe you forgot but hair's green. Plus I'm a man."

The red-head damn-near purred, smug expression beaming as if she were a cat who'd successfully cornered their prey. "Why, whatever do you mean Mr.Bushido? The only girl I know has black hair and I'm _very_ aware of what you are. Unless you're thinking of a certain blonde?" She made a face as if she were pondering a fact, before turning the full force of her mischievousness on the swordsman. "Though, I do understand the confusion. _He_ does seem pretty feminine, huh? So easy to bend over and break, isn't that right? But that pretty blonde isn't here tonight."

Nami smirked, batting her lashes seductively, and Zoro scowled, still trying to guess her game. "Since he isn't here to keep you company, I suppose I can be of _service_." Her voice trailed off into a whisper, imbued with thick honey sweetness. "It's going to cost you though."

Zoro shook his head, and cursed, not sure what to make of anything. "The hell are you on about ---OI!" He fought hard not to squirm under the scrutinizing glare, focused directly on his crotch, a look of disappointment flitting over his features before everything clicked. 

"Wait, were you trying to get me _hard?"_

The red-head shrugged, a sheepish grin on her face and Zoro reminded himself that Sanji would most definitely _not_ like it if the swordsman killed their navigator.

"What can I say? You said you liked them dirty-minded so I wanted to know if that was a universal kink or what. Guess its exclusive. Lucky guy."

"Wha--damn it, don't just twist my words you fucker!" The green head hissed, face flushing as he snatched the 11th mug from Akuma, was failing miserably in suppressing a smile. "Yeah, yeah, laugh it up jackass." He growled, telling himself that was not pouting like a sullen child.

"Oh cool it, you oaf." 

"I hate you."

"Hai, hai. I know." She replied complacently, placating the teen with two pats to the head, a warm smile are her lips. "That's why we'll talk about something you _do_ like. Like why do you even have feelings for the idiot anyways?"

And suddenly he was thirsty. Very thirsty. In every way imaginable.

"Tell me again why we're talking about this?"

"Simple. So you're debt won't have to face another night of exponentially rising."

This time, the bartender didn't even try to hide his laugh, head tossed back and eyes closed. 

"You know what?" Zoro asked, leaning on the counter to pin the other man with his most withering gaze, which clearly wasn't working. "I've decided I don't like you."

"You don't like anyone." Nami retorted, before backtracking. "Well, except for him."

"You're a despicable woman." He huffed, knowing that the fight was lost. The red-head always got her way.

"And you love me for it. Now spill." Her voice softened. "Seriously Zoro, it helps to talk about how you're feeling and why you have feelings for him, even though you'll hurt like hell first. Trust me, I know."

The 19 year old sighed. He most definitely had no choice but to concede defeat. "I know."

"Believe or not, you're right. The cook's fragile. Easy to break. It pisses me off."

"Why?" Nami asked, tone holding an edge and Zoro knew that she could relate to the feeling of being broken. "Do you think he's weak?"

"No, and that's why I'm pissed. He's strong. _Stupidly_ strong. I know that. We all do, except for him."

"Then just show him. Prove to him his strength."

"What the hell do you _think_ I've been doing?" Zoro seethed, slamming his fist down on the counter top, words rolling out in a suppressed growl. "Its not like I can just say, "Hey cook, you're strong" without the idiot taking it as some sort of provocation. Fighting him the only way to get the message across, but the illiterate son of a bitch clearly missed it."

"Easy Tiger." Nami soothed, raising a hand in silent defeat. "I see what you're saying. I didn't know that was a sore subject. Sorry."

At her apology, the swordsman let out a dark chuckle, feeling shame poke at his heart, bubbling in the pit of his stomach. He scratched the back of his head, looking the red-head in the eye. "I must really look like shit if you're apologizing."

He'd carry his gratification at hearing her give a genuine laugh with him to his grave. 

"Don't be so conceited Mr. Bushido." The red-head stated with a wink and a smirk. "I haven't told you yet what you'll have to do for that apology."

The agonized groan he let out was fake and they both knew it. 

"Don't be such a downer. If you're a good boy I'll let you off with a special treat."

"No thanks, keep it to yourself. Only God knows what that'll cost me."

Nami grinned, every bit the conniving witch she was, and stupidly he thought to himself: _gorgeous._

"Trust me God can only _imagine_ the plans I have concocted in this pretty little head of mine."

"You're a menace." Zoro smirked, feeling a bit better, though he'd never admit it. The red head seemed to know anyways, and raised her glass.

"Damn right I am."

Sanji would readily admit to being addicted to cooking.

The scent of spices as they filtered through the air, the sizzling of meat as it sat on the stove.

The feeling of the ocean breeze as it slid over his skin. 

If the personification of cooking were a woman, Sanji would fall to his knees and worship. Offer his soul at her shrine and his body to use as she willed.

He was a slave to cooking, mercilessly throwing himself into the craft, regardless of the screaming pain in his body or the growing aches in his hands. He would anything, if only to feel that high once more.

That satisfaction of being _full._

Sanji didn't think he'd ever experience that sensation again.

Because he was scared.

That if he ate, _really_ ate, then he'd never stop.

The nicotine helped, it curbed his appetite and stilled the rumblings of his stomach, but the blonde couldn't shake the nagging feeling that somewhere in the world the incarnate of cooking was glaring down gleefully on him.

After all, the deal he made was for him to experience that sensation once more, but it'd never happen.

Sanji thought that just this once, he didn't mind being in a such losing battle.

Cigarettes were his salvation and cooking was his addiction. He was a vassal for her whims, utterly whipped.

Sanji loved cooking more than he loved women.

Cooking was a goddess of another caliber, and she always came before anyone or anything else. The most gorgeous dame paled in comparison. 

So why?

Why was he setting his pot down on the cool ire, feet heading towards the door while his mind fed his body a useless lie of needing a cigarette. Why was he leaving the scent of spices as they filtered through the air, and the ocean breeze that slid over his skin?

Why did his gaze roam the deck, his brain claiming they searched for a pair of ice blue eyes while that _thing_ in his chest screamed in opposition. 

_His favorite color was blue, beautiful, cerulean blue, though in some part deep inside, his mind locked away the truth that green had taken precedence in his heart._

Zoro.

He abandoned his cooking for _Zoro_ of all people. 

And yet he wasn't surprised.

He was addicted to cooking, perceptive but uncaring to her manipulative ways. Yet the blonde set it aside for a swordsman.

Strange.

The things done for love.

Because that's why he was out here, right? 

Why he stared at the door he'd heard Robins's voice float from, mingled with a certain marimo's with such concentration.

That's why he walking to said door, placing his ear next to the barrier in hopes of hearing more clearly.

Because he was in love. 

It was all for love that he couldn't have. It'd been over a month since they'd kiss, and nothing was getting an easier. It was all so convoluted and stressed. 

"You know..." And Sanji froze, because that was _Zoro's_ voice. "It would be you, if it weren't him."

"I know, Swordsman-san. It _has_ been rather apparent." Robin replied, words fused with amusement. "No need to feel apologetic."

"Y-you damn woman. You know what I mean." Zoro replied and the blonde imagined the 19 year old was blushing, face slowly adopting a bright red hue. It was something only their archaeologist could do.

The chef told himself that it wasn't jealousy he was feeling.

"Indeed," The older woman spoke. "But I must ask, seeing as you never answered the captain. Will you allow him to do this? Use you?"

The silence was suffocating.

"Yes." The swordsman whispered, the words low but strong and full of conviction.

"I see." Robin hummed. "And if this doesn't work out? What will you do then, come back to me?"

Zoro scoffed, and Sanji envisioned the male's indignant expression. "Of course not. You aren't someone that any sane person would take for granted in the way that I have. If...if he and I cannot come to terms, then I'll remain alone and focus once more on my dream. It's both the only and right thing to do. After all, you deserve better than me."

"And what, Sanji-san doesn't? Deserve better than you, I mean."

There was a long pause, and the blonde fought his urge to burst into the room. His heart was hammering in his chest and his mouth twitched for a smoke, his feet itching to run, to carry him into oblivion.

What would Zoro say? What did he _want_ Zoro to say?

Sanji wasn't sure anymore.

"No." The swordsman began, voice at a whisper. "He deserves much more than me, more than any half-assed life I could give him. Him, his precious All Blue, and all the women in the world. I can't give any that. It pisses me off. And still, you know he kissed me?" Zoro laughed and the chef didn't think he'd ever heard something so bitter he could taste it in the recesses of his throat. "He kissed me back, just a little. I'm not delusional. But I think I'd be willing to do anything if it meant he'd kiss me like that again. Like he _wanted_ me."

"You're someone worthy of being loved, Roronoa Zoro, do not forget that. Or would you rather tell me my feelings are wrong?"

Sanji couldn't breath.

Fuck.

_Fuckfuckfuckfuck._

He really _was_ scum.

"Believe what you want. But it doesn't mean much if he doesn't think the same."

Robin laughed, a real laugh, filled with mirth. "Hypocritical aren't we?"

"'S human nature."

"Indeed. Well, swordsman-san, I wish you well. And I hope you find yourself happiness."

"It's the shitty cook. Of course I'll be happy, no matter what happens."

Sanji ran.

As fast as his feet would carry him, and as far as he could possibly go.

_Ha! As if any woman would want a failure like_ you _. You'd be better off with a man, perfect for a disgrace like you. He'll probably **ruin** you. And if he does, you'll deserve it all._

It seemed that for once they were wrong.

For the second time, he destroyed something so perfect.

He ruined Zoro and indirectly hurt Robin, who'd been nothing but kind to them.

Sanji fumbled for a cigarette, willing the smoke to permanently reside in his lungs, to soothe his nerves and still his shaking hands. 

He was home. Back in the galley, the kitchen.

He was with the spices, the ocean breeze, the smell of food.

He tried to forget what he just heard.

_It's the shitty cook. Of course I'll be happy, no matter what happens._

The smile wouldn't fade, _damn it all._

Why wouldn't it go away?

He didn't deserve it.

He didn't deserve to be happy.

Breakfast was a silent affair.

Sanji found that he didn't mind.

He also learned that he could no longer look their archaeologist in the eye. 

When it was over, Luffy zoomed off with Chopper, claiming that it was time to explore.

Robin offered to guard the the ship and Usopp left to get technological supplies.

Nami gave Sanji a sack of beri, shooting him a small grin.

"Ready?" Zoro asked, and he nodded, not trusting himself to speak.

He pretended not to see the consoling pat Nami gave the swordsman.

-+-

They were done shopping.

They hadn't spoken a word outside of "Here." "Hold this" and the occasional grunt.

"Oi, Marimo."

A grunt.

"Why...do you treat women the way you do?"

Zoro froze, turning towards him slowly. Sanji didn't think it was possible to look menacing covering in shopping bags, but apparently it was a thing.

"Huh, is this some sort of trick question, shit cook?"

"I'm not really in the mood for a fight. And besides," He blew out a ring of smoke, looking the swordsman up and down. "It's not like you could beat me in your current state anyways."

The tan teen scoffed. "Whatever." There was a pause, and Sanji watched as his expression grew thoughtful. "Try getting your ass beat 2,001 times by the same girl. You might change your tune."

"Been there, done that Marimo. In case you missed it, I'm never exactly surrounded by women. Quite the opposite in fact."

Zoro shook his head, letting out a low chuckle. "Fucking pervert. Its not like you're hard on the eyes. If you stopped chasing everything with breasts and a vagina you might get somewhere. But that's not what I meant anyways."

His face was burning, and he knew he wasn't anything but red because _fuck_ Zoro just indirectly called him attractive.

But the green head also said he was in love, so wouldn't attraction be a part of that? The hell was he getting all worked up for?

"Oi, shitty ero-cook, you better not be broken. Don't you know the roads move if you're not looking?"

"More like you'd get lost on a straight path." The chef snickered. "But no, elaborate. What'd you mean. I-- I really want to understand."

"I guess, her and I..were like you and the old man."

Sanji gasped at the implications. "You mean--shitty swordsman, how could you? Lay your hands on a woman--"

"The hell are you on about?" Zoro asked, looking at him like he'd grown another head. "I just meant that she kicked my ass constantly. Her and the old man probably would've gotten along."

There was a pause, then the 19 year old smirked, amusement in his grey eyes. "She'd have hated you though, at least at first. All that mellorine crap would've gotten you sliced."

"Hey! How would treating a lady like a lady get me sliced." Sanji demanded.

"Because of that shit right there." Zoro replied. "You have this idea already of what women should be like and you treat them that way, without ever getting to know them as a person. It's not fair."

"But--"

"Roronoa Zoro, I've been looking for you." A sultry voice cut through their conversation.

Calmly, Zoro put down each of the bags, taking care to set them lightly on the ground. He gripped his swords, bring out Kitestsu lll and Wado, the blades he used for those who were a real threat.

"You wanted to know why I treat women the way I do." 

The swordsman put on his bandanna, flashing a feral grin.

_Demon._ They called him.

In moments like this, Sanji was always reminded why.

"Its because in my experience, women have always been the stronger gender, whether psychically or mentally. To treat them as anything other than such would be dishonorable."

_You can't be_ that _weak. Doesn't that mean he's like a woman? Papa said that women were supposed to do whatever we men said because that was their job. And if Sanji's this weak, then he's like a woman._

The memory came back to him, but this time, it was different. He was still disgusted and afraid. But something had changed.

He could only think with an odd sense of clarity.

_Oh._

Zoro didn't believe that women were weak. So he treated them as he did anyone else, with his usual abrasive nature.

He knew that. He'd always known that.

But for some reason, the thought _stuck_.

_Women...aren't weak._

Zoro, even with his limited interest in women, could admit that this one was beyond attractive.

Though it was her sharp flavor of danger that had him licking his lips and Kitetsu growling his grasp.

It was likely also the sensation that he'd met her somewhere before.

He felt strangely acquainted with her aura, but he'd remember if he ever met a woman such as her. 

A worthy opponent. 

"What's the matter Roronoa? Cat got your tongue?"

Her hair was dark and glossy, the side shaved off and _okay,fine--he_ could admit it was pretty badass. She wore a black leotard, which Zoro noted begrudgingly-- was practical and easy to move in. Nami would probably like something similar to it. Her skin was darker than his own, and green eyes peeked out from beneath black bangs.

He did what he could to ignore the sight of Sanji noodling around, muttering praises in his peripheral. 

"I don't make it a habit to have small talk with my prey." He sneered, shifting to a wider stance. "There's no point in speaking to lamb about to be slaughtered."

"Oi! Mosshead! You better not be threatening to kill her!" That _stupid_ fucking cook yelled, apparently snapped out of his overly fawning disposition. 

The woman smirked, her eyes glazed over with mirth and Zoro had between one blink and the next to block an over head kick. His arms raised above his head, blades crossed in the form of an "x", and he slid back a few feet, forcing clumps of grass out of their dirt homes.

The clash of steel against leather was harsh, the pressure it created and winds their collision manifested harsher still. He grunted under the unexpected vigor, then grinned. Bringing his wrists together, he made as if to slice the foot off, a move he never tried on the cook, in the unfortunate event that it worked.

He had no such reservations for his current opponent.

She lifted her leg, pulling it up and back before executing a side flip. She grinned up at him, then grabbed then swung low, as if to sweep his feet from under him. Accustomed to that kind of attack, he stepped back, flipping Wadou in his grasp and stabbing her into the ground. 

The woman smirked. "Close one, huh, swordsman?" And made for a retreat, until she fell back. Her face froze with confusion. "Wha--?"

Zoro smirked back, gesturing with his head to the spot where Wado was perched, and the black fabric that it had pinned to the grass along with it. "Very close." He said pleasantly. "It was almost your leg and I missed. Shame."

With a practiced flick he swung downwards at the same time she flipped away. Rather than crash down, his blade remained suspended in the air.

The clash of steel against leather was harsh, strong, though it was a different pair of shoes that Zoro was blocking. Tobacco filled his nose, and the smoke settled in his lungs. 

Familiar.

Home.

And standing in his way.

"The hell are you doing shitty cook?" He snarled, shoving Sanji's leg away from him. 

"You were going to kill her, weren't you Marimo?" The blonde whispered, lips working furiously over the cigarette. 

"So what if I was?" He wasn't, but then, the dumbass didn't need to know. 

"Then you should know I won't let you do that." The words were clipped, short and accompanied by an ice blue glare. For once, Zoro thought that he could peek at the blue abyss hidden under the cook's blonde fringe. 

And it was every bit as cold as the rest of him.

"Damn Ero-Cook, always being led around by your dick. This isn't time or the fucking place. She attacked _me_ or did you fucking forget? She wants a fight and so I'm going to give her one." He lifted Kitetsu lll, placing the sharpened edge at Sanji's neck. The chef only watched him, expression never wavering.

"Did you already erase our conversation from that breast filled mind? I'm fighting because that's what _she_ wants and I'm in no position to refuse." His eyes narrowed and he tilted his head, earrings grazing his skin. "If you stand in my way, I won't hesitate to cut you down."

They stayed like for god knew how long, _too_ long and Zoro's instincts were screaming at him. The fight could've-- _would've_ been done three times over by now. He _really_ didn't want to knock the cook out, but it didn't mean that he wouldn't. It'd be payback for the fucked ribs-- bruised, not broken, thankfully.

The silence was growing thick, suffocating, and just when he was ready to snap, Sanji's shoulder sagged. It was the only sign of defeat and the chef took a step back, though not before nailing him with a piercing glare. 

The one that always managed to lock Zoro in place.

Slowly the smiling face of the woman was revealed. She was sitting on the ground, cross-legged with an amused expression, casually twirling a long dagger in her hand, the movements smooth and graceful. 

"You're defending my honor? How sweet." She said, though Zoro couldn't tell who she was talking to. Couldn't care less. They made eye contact, and her lips parted into a wide smile. "You're nicer than the humors said, Roronoa. Though, from what I've been told, all your opponents have been men. Are a pair of breasts all it takes to make you go soft?" She chuckled, eyelashes fluttering and voice seductive. "Or should I say..." 

Zoro scoffed, leering dangerously. The sheer fucking _audacity_. "As if. Only two people have ever managed to defeat me. Only person has managed to defeat me more than once, and she was a woman. So don't worry about me being soft, I never hold back."

Sanji made a sound like choking and the swordsman spared a glance over, momentarily distracted by the blush creeping up the blonde's creamy skin. "D-did you just make an innuendo?" He sputtered, eyes wide and fingers reaching for a new cigarette.

Koshiro would be pissed. Because for all of 30 seconds, Zoro was completely enamored with the sight of their normally graceful chef fumbling around because of a sexual joke.

_Too cute._

He wrenched his head away, turning instead to glare at the woman, who was still sprawled casually on the ground, lying down now, rather than sitting.

"You're a funny one swordsman." She spoke, laughing quietly. "I rather like you. You're passionate. I can admire that." She stood up, dusting off her clothes. Wado tracked her every movement. "At ease. I don't wish to fight anymore. I'm satisfied."

And quicker than he could react--seriously-- his training was going to be _tripled_ after this-- she leaned against his chest, whispering something into his ear before jumping back and placing a decent amount of distance between them.

She turned to look at Sanji, who was back to dancing around like an idiot and pierced him with a withering glare, an ominous aura flaring that had the hairs on his neck standing at attention and his grip on Wado tightening. 

"The way you act is disgraceful. Disgusting. Men like you are the worst kind. The ones who think they can do and get away with anything."

Zoro's heart screamed at him to step in, but something in gut held him back. Maybe it was the way the woman spoke, calm but searching. Or maybe it was her stance, which was completely at ease. Mostly though, it was the words she breathed in his ear. A simple, "trust me." And for some reason...

He did.

He consoled himself with the knowledge that he could always kill her in things went south and it was the cook's shuttering expression that made him feel like it was time to step in.

"I'm afraid I don't understand _mellorine._ My only wish is to serve you. In my eyes, you are as a goddess."

The goddess looked down on his, flint green gaze commanding as she uttered two words. "Then kneel. Or I'll kill you're precious plant on legs."

Zoro watched, rage pooling into his stomach as Sanji slowly lowered himself to the ground, bending on one knee and scuffing the fancy slacks that he was always pissing about. The sight made him sick, like it always did, to see the blonde put himself on the level women told him he should be.

Though in retrospect, the cook did the exact same thing, placing women on a pedestal they didn't ask for. 

The thought did make his anger fade any quicker.

"You did it." The woman noted, voice devoid of any emotion. "Tell me why."

"Because you told me to." Sanji replied. "And I had no choice but to obey. I will defend myself from a woman, but I refuse to fight one. However," --And cook's voice changed, growing darker, with a jagged edge he almost never used on a woman-- "considering your threat, complying was in my best interest. It was safer, for both my conscious and my morals."

"How so?" She probed, gaze, digging, searching, prying, as if she were close to an answer and all it to free it was one more push.

"Because," The blonde whispered, and Zoro wanted to step it, wanted to stop it _right fucking now_ because it sounded like it hurt. Like it was painful for Sanji to admit, whatever he was going to admit. It was like the teen who psychical feel the words being pulled from his throat, compelled by his love for women to answer, even when it was the last thing he wanted to do.

Zoro couldn't bear that. 

"If you had gone through with your threat and hurt him, I would've been forced to fight you." With each word, the chef seemed to shrink into himself. He sounded so unlike normal, that the swordsman wasn't sure he wanted to hear the rest. "If you had hurt the marimo, I might've been blinded enough to kill you." At that, Sanji's lips quirked in a dry smile. "Or try at least." He added belatedly.

Euphoria?

Or was it sadness?

Ecstasy?

Or melancholy?

What was it, this emotional building inside him? He felt like he might burst. He was distracted, so distracted, that he missed the woman's bright smile, her comforting pat the blonde's back, the small phrase of "You passed.", the way she disappeared soon after with a knowing glance in his direction. 

He snapped out of it, only when the words she'd said processed, their meaning settling and his brain in over-drive to decode it.

_"I see I'm not the only possessive one here. The aura you're giving off his quite menacing. And to think you looked at me as if_ I _were a threat. Clearly you're far more dangerous Roronoa."_

Ah, so that's what he was feeling.

Pure fucking _happiness._

And _rage._

A bubbling, _burning,_ rage.

He was pissed her for forcing Sanji beneath her, pissed at the chef for willingly put his life on the line, pissed at _himself_ for not noticing anything strange when it was his _own_ life that was being threatened.

All of his weapons put away, and bandanna once more wrapped around his arm, Zoro studied Sanji in silence. 

Beautiful. 

The cook had always been beautiful. 

-+-

_If asked, Zoro would claim to not have a favorite color. They were there, the same as him, equal and free, so what was the point of putting one above another?_

_It wasn't until he met Luffy, and joined him on the crew, that his world expanded and life exploded in various hues. His captain was the most misleading, a demon with smile bright enough to rival God, if such a God existed. Luffy dressed in red, and the scent of blood followed like a loyal pet. His onyx eyes shone, a black hole which took everything in and let nothing out, so all encompassing that even knowing you were going to sink, it was impossible to look away. The day Zoro joined their pirateless crew was the day he signed his life over to a true monster. He wondered why no one could see it but him. The darkness that resided in Monkey D.Luffy._

_Nami came next, with her vibrant hair and even louder personality. A thief with seduction tactics more obvious than most of the half-assed bounty hunters he'd met in his day. He didn't trust her, there was something sinister and vengeful that lurked in her too-perceptive gaze. Something filled with wrath, a gaze not unlike his own. If he were a different person, borne into a different body and experienced the chance encounter of meeting Pirate Hunter Roronoa Zoro, he wouldn't trust him. And if he wouldn't trust himself, then there was no way to trust someone of the same cloth._ _He couldn't deny that liked her, though. He liked her a lot. She was smart, and while not combat efficient, proved to be capable in other ways. They'd be lost without her, literally._ _Not that he'd ever admit it, but he didn't think he could survive anymore without that bright orange flame to guide him on his path, even if she charged interest every step of the way._

_Usopp was another story. Filled with browns and tans that reminded Zoro of nature. Of his long nights spend in forests, scavenging, hunting, and creating. Usopp proved to all that, though it seemed like the kid hadn't realized it yet. Resourceful, determined to make something from nothing. A liar who wove intricate stories so outrageous that only someone like Luffy could make them come true. A steady aura, despite his fluctuating bravery and constant cowardice. Usopp was an honorable man, and Zoro couldn't wait to tell him, when the time was right._

_Lulled into a calm by their sniper's neutral colors, going to the Baratie was like getting slashed across the face with rays of the sun. It wasn't until much later, that he realized the sun paled in comparison to those silky golden locks. A pretty boy, who's introduction to Zoro was that of holding a marine official by the throat spewing some crap about cooking. He didn't hear. His eyes were locked on the strands of red sliding down strong, fair skinned fingers. The way those thin, pink lips worked skillfully around an equally thin cigarette. Sanji, the blonde's name was and from the moment they met, Zoro could see right through him. It wasn't that his happiness was faked, but below it resided a burning anger and aching fear. If Zoro was ever asked how he knew, the only semblance of an answer that he'd be able to give was "the idiot cook always wears black". A dark hue that hid everything from sight with it's opaqueness._

_When Sanji left, deciding to travel with them, Zoro thought he'd see the hurt disappear, or at the very least fade. For some reason, it didn't. And that's when he realized the scars were far deeper than he'd originally guessed. He touched his chest, running his fingers down the gnarled gash Mihawk gave him and wondered if Sanji's scars were on his back. He wondered what color they were._

_-_

_It was during their time in Arlong Park that Zoro realized he did trust Nami after all. He threw himself into he sea, arms bound and body in pain, doing nothing but flashing the red-head with a snide smirk. He sank to the ocean floor, not bothering to spare a thought for when she'd come, because he knew it'd happen eventually._

_It hurt like a bitch, being slammed onto the concrete, but when he saw the relief in her gaze, coupled with the determination of someone who was still fighting, Zoro decided that he liked the color orange on her. It was eerily fitting, in the same way that Luffy's red vest seemed to tell the story of bloodshed to come. Or how Sanji's hair was a reminder that the sun would shine on them again. That there was no need to fear the cold or the dark, as he'd always be there to warm them up with meals from the heart._

_And that was something Zoro realized._

_In his mind, in the seclusion of his thoughts, it was damn near impossible to insult their chef. There wasn't anything he could think that wouldn't be followed by a half-assed rebuttal._

_"He's such a fucking pervert." "But he's kind as well, maybe too kind." "He's practically a work-aholic, the dumbass lives in the kitchen." "And yet he never complains, even when its clear he's fucking exhausted." "He treats women like they're so much better than him, like they have the right to degrade him. As if they're delicate flowers." "But maybe...Kuina would be alive."_

_It annoyed the swordsman. He'd never met someone so selfless, someone who always gave. For a long time, Zoro did things for himself and only himself, but meeting Luffy and watching Sanji made him reconsider. What it would feel like to be apart of a crew. A bit late in the game, seeing as he'd put his life on the line multiple times but shit happens._

_The emotions that Sanji filled him with were complicated and yet startlingly simple._

_"You like him doofus." Nami scoffed, hitting him on the head as they sat drinking on Cactus Island, Zoro doing his best to ignore both his irritation with the cook, and foreboding sensation that something was wrong._

_Zoro snorted. "Me? Like him? Not likely."_

_She didn't believe him. "Uh-huh. And that's why you're scowling more than normal, shooting glances at him over your shoulder, and ruining that almost attractive mug of yours." Her eyes twinkled and she took another huge swig, causing the people around them to burst into cacophonous celebration. "If it bothers you so much, forfeit the match and rest up. You'll need the energy to for later." She winked, grinning sloppily at the multiple wolf whistles. Zoro groaned, hitting his head on the table to hide his smirk. They were likely the only two in their group who even realized that something was amiss._

_He wondered how much she'd managed to steal. Not that it mattered, its not like they were on a time-limit. He planned on killing all of them, shitty ass Baroque Works._

_-_

_It wasn't until they began their new adventure with Vivi that colors crossed his mind again. This time it was blue. Electric blue. A vibrant shade, and Zoro noticed how much it contrasted with Sanji's sea blue gaze._

_The longer they traveled with the Alabastian Princess, the more he noted the different things in his life that were blue, and how, inevitably, they led back to the cook._

_And then they met Robin, and the swordsman was forced to admit that he had an infatuation with the color._

_Blue._

_Blue._

_Blue._

_It was fucking everywhere._

_Zoro was starting to hate the sky, and he could swear that it was mocking him, the sun shining down a constant reminder of the blonde's golden hair._

_Robin noticed, she knew, and before long they shared they night watch together, or she'd help him adjust his penmanship. One late night, their shoulders brushed, and the feeling wasn't nearly as unpleasant as he thought it'd be--and he'd thought about it._

_Her eyes were different from the cook. Sharp and_ _piercing. She looked into his soul and ran her fingers through his hair, she whispered in his ear and told him the stories of her travels._

_He loved it, but the nagging feeling that something was missing filled his heart and flooded his body, making his movements tense. Zoro was embarrassed. He apologized, having never done anything even remotely similar to relationship before, not even understanding what the hell was going on. His eyes kept shifting to the galley, the fucking kitchen, and he couldn't stop wishing that the cook was there. With him. Robin followed his eyes, and when she saw where he was looking she laughed, a tinkling sound._

_"I see." She told him, a smile on her face, but Zoro noticed that her blue was different now, colder and distant. "You really love him don't you?"_

_The swordsman panicked. Love? The Shitty Cook? No fucking way. Hell no. It wasn't possible. Unbidden and unwanted his mind screamed, "fuck you." and flashed him with memories of rare occasions where he got the blonde to smile at him, the real one._

_He suddenly felt very alone, and very scared. He looked at the woman and reached out, before stopping himself, too frazzled to feel shame for his childish behavior. "B-but--you-- I-- how?" He struggled to talked, to get it out._

_Robin only smiled. "It's not impossible to be in love with more than one person swordsman-san." Swordsman-san. No longer Zoro, like she'd been calling him the last few weeks, whenever they were alone._

_They were sitting side by side and yet the gap between them felt huge, an uncrossable gorge._

_Even still, he wished for the chef._

_-_

_Zoro was in love with Sanji._

_Fuck._

_Of course he was in love._

_Damn shitty cook._

_If anyone would bother to ask, Zoro would admit that blue was his favorite color. They were there, the same as him, equal and free, so there was really no point in putting one above the other._

_But hell, Sanji was always lowering himself to accommodate everyone's needs. It would hurt to put him on a pedestal, just this once, even if it was only in Zoro's mind._

_-_

_Sanji didn't love him._

_Sanji hated him._

_Hated him enough to wanted to have starved._

_But he knew that already._

_He knew._

_He did._

_So why did it hurt so much?_

_Zoro sat in the training room, clawing at his chest. The scar from Mihawk began to bleed._

_It was oddly satisfying._

_-+-_

"Oi! Marimo!" The teen blinked, brought out of his stupor. Sanji was standing in front of him, leaning in close, and a smile split his face when he realized Zoro was back in the present. "Holy shit. fucking _finally_ , I thought the moss in your head had grown so much that it was blocking your ears."

He didn't respond, still coming up with the words he wanted to say, trying to decide how he should state it.

After a moment of hesitation, he kicked his leg out, startling the blonde and causing him to trip. The swordsman, tackled him to the floor, burying his hands in that golden hair and protecting it from the ground. They landed in a tangle of limbs, the taste of tobacco almost sickeningly acute.

Zoro wanted to kiss him. He wanted to smash their lips together and _devour_ their chef. He just knew, without knowing how, that Sanji tasted a thousand times better his cooking, and that was saying a fucking lot. 

But like any thought that involved the chef in even a remotely romantic situation he heard the voices, screaming at him to stop.

"It's _sick. It's wrong. Can't you see that?_ _Love between men shouldn't even exist in the first place."_

That voice, it berated him days on end, denying Zoro of even his fantasies. He could no longer _dream_ without feeling a measure of shame when he woke up.

So he he didn't kiss Sanji, he couldn't even if the body under him was warm and welcoming and the blonde was staring with those unreadable blue eyes and silky locks that put the sky and sun to shame. Instead, he bent down slowly, feeling Sanji tense, and pressed their foreheads together, letting out a slow breath he hadn't known he'd been holding.

"So tell me, am I the sick one still, for really wishing that we could kiss?" Zoro murmured, unable to keep the bitterness from his voice. "Or are you, for allowing yourself to be pinned beneath me?"

Those blue eyes widened, and that lithe body began to thrash, elbows and knees banging into his sore ribs and Zoro flinched, doing what he could to stop moving.

"Y-you were listening!" Sanji screeched, and the sight would've been cute if not for the actual desperation lurking in the expression. "How much did you hear? _How much???"_

Like most things that followed an affectionate thought of the blonde, Zoro felt his anger rise from a simmer to a boil, letting it spill over for the first time since all this shit went down. 

He locked his body in place, trapping the cook and growled, pissed as hell. "I heard enough. That I'm _sick._ I shouldn't exist. I went to our fucking _doctor_ to ask if I could take some medicine, and he-- the fucking _kid_ \-- gave me the keys to the alcohol storage and told me that getting over my feelings for you was basically pointless. We get in a petty ass fight the nest day and you tell me you hate me."

Saying the words made his voice crack and he stopped to take a breath. "You said you hated me. And then we kissed and that was it. Except it wasn't. A month later I go to the bar with Nami and you attack me, when I was only trying to protect her. You follow me when I leave, and then you-- you kiss me like it _meant_ something and I can't get the way you taste out of my mind."

He ran his thumb over the edge of Sanji's lips, knowing his pupils were probably blown wide and not caring. "I think about it, you know. I think about it all the time. And some days, I think I actually have a chance but then you go and make _that_ face" He gestured loosely to the blonde's contorted expression. "You make that face, full of pain and disgust and it hurts because I don't know what to do and then I realized it wasn't aimed at me, but yourself, and it hurt even worse because that means I really _can't_ help you. What a useless excuse for a first mate right?"

Sanji scoffed, face gaving slowing turned crimson, the longer Zoro's rant went on. "Since when have you been first mate?"

"I just want to love you." Zoro whispered, looking into those blue eyes that always managed to suck him in.

The chef didn't say anything, and he thought that he might've said it too quietly, but response came, breaking him out of his thoughts.

"Then love me." Sanji replied, the words coming out rushed.

He shook his head, finger digging into the dirt. "Why should I?"

The answer was instant, and it hurt the swordsman more than anything else.

"Because I can't love myself."

Zoro felt his breath hitch and his heart break and wanted nothing more than to pledge is life to the blonde.

But he couldn't.

Not yet.

"That's not a good enough reason."

And shit.

_Fuck._

At his words, Sanji wilted, expressive eyes locking away all emotion. 

"I'm not good enough, is that it?" The chef laughed, sounding like broken glass. "I should've let her kill me."

Zoro didn't like that tone. He couldn't stand it.

He fucking hated it, the way Sanji acted, as if there weren't people to take care of him. He hated the voices in his head that told him loving the blonde was pointless and it'd never go anywhere. He detested the part of himself that believed it. That part of him was weak, and nothing but a quitter. Fucking fine, maybe the cook didn't love him, but it didn't have to stay that way. And before they could even take any steps forward, Sanji would need to face whatever the hell was chasing him. That was what pissed him off the most. That Sanji was running, when he didn't have to anymore, when he had people to help.

"You'd like that wouldn't you." Zoro sneered, letting all the anger he held seep out, crashing over his senses in one huge wave. "You _want_ to fucking die, huh? To just end your miserable fucking existence. So you finally stop running away with those stupidly long legs of yours."

Sanji was seething but the swordsman could care less. He was going to help, and this was the only thing he could think to do. An angry cook was a good one, a hell of a lot more preferable to the sad one.

"Fuck you. And I mean that in every damn way you can think of. Because I wanna kill you so fucking bad right now, I really do. But I won't. I won't. I'm gonna let you suffer. Make you _live._ I'm gonna help you face all these shitty problems of yours no matter who we have to fight. I'm not gonna sit and let you wallow alone, especially when you have a boat of people who _care._ Who love you."

His voice dropped to hushed, and he relaxed his body, relishing the warmth emanating off the other. "You're not alone, because I love you. I'm not saying you have to feel the same. I'm not saying to have to accept me. Just that we're Nakama remember? Its not just you anymore. It hasn't been for a long time."

He fell silent, feeling sweat trickle down his back and blood rush to his face. He buried his head in Sanji's shoulders, not knowing if he should get up and leave or stay and cherish the last few moments he'd have being so close to the chef like this. The body beneath him began shaking and he tensed, thinking it was rage, until the chef laughed, his voice ringing through the forest-like area.

"That was almost romantic Marimo. Keep that up and it just might work."

Zoro didn't think he'd ever move faster in his life. He gripped Sanji's cheeks in his hand, staring deep into that blue eyes, which was more open than he'd ever seen it. "Did you mean that? You want me to start spewing romantic shit, is that it?" The tan teen nodded. "Yeah? Yeah, okay. I can do that. I think."

He leaned down, earrings brushing Sanji's ear as he tilted his head, whispering. "You know. I can't do shit. I can't become the strongest swordsman, can't help Luffy become the Pirate King, can't do any of it." He rubbed his face against the cook's, hoping he wasn't pushing his luck. "Not if you aren't by my side. I just need you here. As friends, enemies, Nakama, it doesn't matter, I'd kick your ass anyways. As long as you're here, and not locked in those dark thoughts. Okay, _Sanji?"_

And then Zoro went flying backwards, a well placed kick on his ribs-- not the injured ones, he was pleased to note and not a hard kick either. He let his body roll, nose wrinkling at the thought of the bath he'd have to take later.

"Y-ou idiot!" Sanji squeaked, standing up and pointing an accusatory finger at the swordsman. "Don't just go saying my name like that!!!"

The 19 year old sat up, crossing his legs and yawned; it was long overdue for his nap. "You saying you don't want me to call you by your name again?" 

The chef froze, mouth open and golden hair frayed, the sun catching it at the right angle and making it glow. "I--"

Zoro smirked. "So you _do_ want me to call you buy you're name?" He shrugged. "I can do that. Now that I think about it..." He trailed off, and looked away. "Nah, never mind Sanji. Grab the bags. We should've been back at the ship by now."

He stood, and walked past the blonde, to the discarded groceries and wondered about the woman from earlier. She was startlingly familiar, and what she had said to him before leaving....

_"I see I'm not the only possessive one here. The aura you're giving off his quite menacing. And to think you looked at me as if_ I _were a threat. Clearly you're far more dangerous Roronoa."_

"And of course you aren't listening..dumbass." Sanji's voice sounded, causing Zoro to shake off his thoughts.

"What was that shitty-cook?" He demanded, pretending not to be affected by the disappointment he watched flood those ocean blue eyes.

"I'm sorry Zoro. For treating you like shit for so long. For saying things I didn't mean, and stomping on your feelings. I let my own past blind me to the future and I destroyed the balance of our crew. Do you think you could--gmhmfdo"

Zoro, in a brilliant moment of _fuck it_ pulled Sanji close to him, crushing the lithe figure against his own in a suffocating embrace. Somehow, the cook still managed to smell like whatever expensive cologne he wore. 

"Just apologize to the crew. And Robin, for over hearing that conversation."

"You know about that???"

The swordsman snorted. "'Course I do."

The blonde was silent in his grasp. "....And what about you."

"Nah, you don't have to say sorry to me, I know it might actually kill you. Besides, I've already forgiven you Sanji, so its not a big deal." Zoro grinned wickedly. "I _would_ like a meal though. And top shelf sake."

Sanji pulled away, not saying a word, and turned, walking off. 

He followed silently, hefting the bags into his arms. After a few feet and a lit cigarette, the blonde looked back at him, a smile happy smile stretching his lips. "Sure thing Zoro, I'm going to wow the hell out of your unrefined tongue."

"Looking forward to it." He responded candidly, feeling an emotion a lot like joy bubble up in his chest.

He couldn't help it. He tossed his head back and whopped into the air, a _so there_ to the sky that mocked him. He wanted to pull Wado out of her sheath an run around with her blade in the air like an idiot. 

Sanji was staring at him in confusion, precious hands protected by deep pockets, suit pants faded and suit jacket wrinkled. 

It was the most gorgeous he'd ever seen the blonde. 

"What the hell was all that about?"

Zoro grinned, flicking Sanji on the forehead-- a challenging task indeed with the shit load of bags he was carrying. "That was the sound of progress Curlybrow. Today we made progress." He walked ahead of the chef, leaving him behind and smirking at the bewildered expression.

There were a few moments of silence then, "YOU'RE GOING THE WRONG WAY MARIMO!!!!!"

"I TOLD YOU THE ROADS MOVE!!!!"

-+-

They were almost at the ship.

They hadn't spoken much since unloading all their vices a few hours before.

"Hey, cook."

A raised brow.

"Did you know, that on land, mostly in dojos and stuff, there's this leather bag that gets filled with sand and other random shit." At Sanji's shaking head he continued. "Yeah, well that's a thing, and you call it a punching bag, because you, you know, punch it. Though kicks work too." Zoro shrugged. "Anything works really."

"Where are you going with this?" The cook questioned, laced with curiosity and suspicion.

"I knew you were feeling pent up. I could tell, from the moment I met you. But back then we didn't know each other well, I couldn't just pry into your life. I still won't. That said, I pushed you, bickered, thinking we could fight out whatever frustrations you were having. Thought I could show you how strong you were. Then I thought, well, punching bags don't fight back."

"So you let me attack you? Even when is wasn't psychical anymore?"

Zoro lifted a shoulder. "It was the only thing I could do that I thought would help."

"And you think I'm strong?" There was a weird hitch in Sanji's voice and he fought the urge to glance over.

"No shit Sanji. And you say _I_ have moss for brains."

The chef let out a very obvious _not_ sniffle but the tan teen could _feel_ the smile when he said, "Thank you, Zoro."

"You're gonna feed me when we get back to the ship. I'd say we're even."

That was the closest he'd ever get to complimenting the bastard's cooking. He was in love, not soft.

Sanji grinned, though he didn't respond.

Zoro was okay with that.

They'd get there one day, just a step at a time. 

"Hey, shitty cook." 

Sanji looked over and his breath stopped. Zoro was was staring at him, silver eyes dark, and more complacent than he'd ever seen them.

The wind blew, ruffling his green hair and they stood facing each other for what felt like an eternity.

"You're a pain the ass." The swordsman started, smirking at the chef's glare. "You frustrate me to no end, more than anyone else on this crew. I give, and I give, and I give, for every one of our Nakama, because they need me to. But there are some things I can't give up. Like my dreams." Silver eyes swiveled to him and a grin formed on Zoro's lips. "Or you."

A moment later, Sanji was on him, face red and tears stupidly close to spilling. Zoro's lips were rough, hard and devastatingly weakening. He gripped the short green locks with as much strength as he could, needing purchase. Needing _Zoro._

He spared a thought of how good it feels. Of right it is. Of how much Zoro needed _him,_ kissing back with a fervor that surprised the chef.

For once, Sanji let himself understand that this was good. 

This was okay. 

**Author's Note:**

> i dont really like this??? but i cant tell why. fhvfvif
> 
> Let me know your thoughts! I hope you enjoyed!


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